Category Archives: Relationships

“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.”

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“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.”

—Audrey Hepburn, 20th Century British Actress

Image from Unsplash by Susan G. Kamen 3-day

In the wake of October’s hurricanes, many people have lost everything — including loved ones.

When some of these individuals are interviewed about the devastation many still remain positive and grateful
to be alive and get right to work helping their neighbors and others in their communities.

Although these forces of nature can sweep away and destroy many things, it’s heartwarming to realize that the best things in life are not things.

EXERCISE:

How do you demonstrate to your loved ones that they are the most precious gifts in your life?

Take a plunge into your senses

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Take a plunge into your senses. Note what you are seeing, feeling, hearing, tasting, and hearing. What is the present moment offering you to experience more fully?

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Aaron Burden

Autumn is a perfect time to plunge into your senses. It’s not too hot or too cold to get outside and appreciate mother nature in all her glory.

Consider taking a walk outside at different times of the day from before dawn to after dusk to experience all the sights, sounds, and sensations available.

Be sure to leave your phone at home and consider traveling alone at a leisurely pace to take in and savor all the wonders many of us often rush past.

Make a few stops along your way to turn around and look up and down so as to not miss out on the show the world is always offering.

EXERCISE:

Share your adventure with someone close to you and consider taking them along on your next sensory outing to offer them a taste of the gift you just received!

Notice and embrace the complexity of your humanness

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Notice and embrace the complexity of your humanness. Let everything be as it is. It makes you interesting.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Joseph Malone

How often do you find yourself puzzled by the people in your life? Look over the spectrum of folks from young to old in your communities.

What makes each of them tick? Isn’t it interesting — once we think we know — when they surprise us by going in another direction?

Instead of trying to put these people puzzles together and have things fit into our own world view, perhaps we can simply be happy to have others in our life to keep us on our toes.

EXERCISE:

To what degree do you accept and embrace the complexities of the people around you?

How would doing so with curiosity and openness make the world a far more interesting place for everyone?

Relationship are all there is

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“Relationship are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else.”

—Margaret Wheatley, American writer, teacher, speaker, and management consultant

Image from Unsplash by Greg Rakozy

Margaret Wheatley’s work focuses on creating organizations and communities “worthy of human habitation” by drawing from various disciplines including organizational behavior, chaos theory, living systems science, and ancient spiritual traditions.

In recent years, she has been discussing civilization collapse and encouraging people to become “spiritual warriors” in response to current challenges.

EXERCISE:

How can and will you become a spiritual warrior along with Margaret Wheatley, to foster healthier and happier relationships in your various communities?

Let go of the need to be understood by everyone

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Let go of the need to be understood by everyone. Who are the people that really matter? How can you express your thoughts and feelings even better to enhance these relationships?

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Duy Pham

With the advent of social media, many people have shifted to quantity instead of quality in their relationships.

More likes, friends, and followers appear to be how some folks keep score.

I like the idea of digging one well 1,000 feet deep to tap into the aquifers of life instead of digging 1,000 wells one foot deep and coming up dry.

EXERCISE:

Building relationships takes time. Where and with whom are you taking the time to unearth the deep and meaningful relationships you most desire?

Attending to and amplifying our senses in the moment

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Attending to and amplifying our senses in the moment helps us capture and keep our memories.

—Calm App Reflection

Barry with his Son-in-law and grandkids

During our Father’s Day holiday, we were fortunate to celebrate with beautiful weather and time swimming with family.  After sunscreen is applied, it’s the wet stuff until Mother Nature calls!

Following these quick breaks and a fast bite, it’s right back into the pool to dive for colorful plastic rings, float on tubes, and some chicken, star, rocket practice for our 2 ½ year old granddaughter.

As the day wound down, my grandchildren were given a gift from their older cousins. Inside a hatbox sized container were a variety of superhero capes and masks that they were clearly too old for, at the ages of 10 and 11.

In minutes both kids — and some of us older kids — were playfully dancing together to make a memory we’ll never forget.

EXERCISE:

Where and when were you last fully tuned into your senses?

How did this amplification of the moment help you capture this never to be forgotten event?

The more you are interested in others, the more interesting they find you

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“The more you are interested in others, the more interesting they find you.  To be interesting, be interested.”

—Kevin Kelly, Author of Improvised Life

Image from Unsplash by Towfiqu barbhuiya

How do you demonstrate your sincere interest in others? A quick and easy coaching technique is to master your use of open-ended questions.

Placing the words who, what, where, when, why, or how at the beginning of these questions works magic because they cannot be answered with a simple yes or no.

To go a bit deeper and discover more about these people, layer with another open-ended question by using a piece of their initial answer. Doing so shows that that we are listening, and honor their views and perspectives.

Beneath these two approaches is the fact that you are showing genuine interest in their favorite subject, which for virtually all of us is ourselves.

EXERCISE:

If you are interested in more tools to enhance your relationship skills, please email barry@dempcoaching.com with the subject Communication Tools/ Masterful Relationships

 

Explore your trustworthiness

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Explore your trustworthiness. From there look for this and other similar qualities in yourself and others.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by KVST

They say Birds of a Feather Flock Together. What kind of bird are you? Create a list of different birds and see what qualities come to mind when you personify their attributes.

Here is a short list to get you started:

  • An eagle
  • A flamingo
  • A penguin
  • An owl
  • A seagull
  • A swallow

EXERCISE:

What bird(s) best personify you?

What qualities do they represent, and how have you applied those qualities to attract others into your flock or tribe?

Who are the people who make you think and laugh

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“Who are the people who make you think and laugh? Be the person who takes the initiative and reach out to them.”

—Michael Bungay Stainer discussion with Chip Conley

Image from Unsplash by Surface

I believe the quality of our lives is highly correlated with what we do and those with whom we do them.

For most of us, it is often difficult spending all the time we wish with our favorite people.

We trade our valuable time for other priorities, and often must compromise and settle.

EXERCISE:

How often do you take the initiative to reach out and stay connected to the special people who make you smile and keep you on your toes?

How can you let these people know how important they are so they can also take the initiative to pull you away from people and things not meant for you?

“I’m hungry to find people who are hungry.”

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“I’m hungry to find people who are hungry.”

—Michael Bungay Stainer, author of The Coaching Habit

Image from Unsplash by Maddi Bazzocco

Going out to eat is a primary pastime during our winter months in Florida.

My preference is to experiment with a wide variety of restaurants and types of food to keep things interesting.

One of my favorite places to go for lunch is an Asian buffet called Chow Time.

Our good friend Mitch has a robust appetite for both food and stimulating conversation. It’s nice to have our hunger satisfied beyond the many items being served over the numerous hours we spend in each other’s company!

EXERCISE:

Who are the people in your life that feed your mind and nourish your soul?

How can you spend more time with these special people — perhaps over a delicious meal?