how would you like

Posted on September 15, 2016 by Barry

“How would you like things to be different in your life?”

—Fran Peavey, Social Activist

Image of shapes with questions in them

Fran Peavey was a social activist who passed away in 2010. Through her travels across the globe, she developed a process she called “strategic questioning,” which is characterized by questioning with an open mind and a caring heart.

Using this open, curious, and often provocative but not judgmental style, she conducted thousands of interviews over the course of two decades. She believed that this approach put people at ease, lowered barriers, and helped them find common ground around shared concerns.

EXERCISE:

Take 3-5 minutes to ask and answer one of Fran’s favorite questions: “How would you like things to be different in your life?” Consider engaging others in your personal and professional communities in this inquiry, so you can help one another make changes.

Feel free to let me know what happens by replying to this post!

optimistic people

Posted on September 14, 2016 by Barry

“What would an optimistic, confident person do?”

—A. S. Jacobs

Image of smiling man with two thumbs in the air

Image from quotesgram.com

One of the distinct benefits of working with coaches, mentors, and advisors is that they give their clients access to outside, mostly objective perspectives on matters of great importance.

One frequently used tool is the open-ended question, which encourages the exploration of new dimensions of thinking.

At times, almost all of us lack the sunny, confident view on issues that are not turning out as we would like. Asking “What would an optimistic, confident person do?” can lift the dark clouds and pessimistic perspective that often creeps into our thoughts.

EXERCISE:

Select an important issue or matter that is bringing you down. Shine the light of greater optimism and confidence on it, to move you forward to a more desirable outcome.

Don’t belittle yourself

Posted on September 1, 2016 by Barry

“Don’t belittle yourself. Be-Big yourself.”

—Corita Kent, American Catholic Nun

Image from fineartamerica.com

There is, perhaps, no greater destructive force in relationships than that of belittling and diminishing others. Eleanor Roosevelt gave us a bit of coaching with her famous quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Today’s quote points to the not always recognized inner critic and the things we say about ourselves. How often do you chastise, berate, belittle, and judge yourself, personally or professionally?

EXERCISE:

What alternative “Be-Bigging” messages can you use now and in the future to build, empower, and support your own self-confidence and self-worth?

Consider enlisting the help and coaching of others when you aren’t aware of these often hidden attempts to bring yourself down.

Find the Gold

Posted on August 29, 2016 by Barry

“Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one that finds the gold.”

-author unknown

Image from Flickr by CameliaTWU

The world came together in Rio for two weeks earlier this month, to marvel at and celebrate the performance of 10,500 athletes from over 200 countries.

I particularly enjoy the back stories of these remarkable people. How they came to pursue their dream of becoming an Olympian, regardless of whether they make it to the podium, is often inspiring.

With the 2016 Olympics now behind us, how many of us will fall back into the undesirable habit of looking for the dirt in one another? This is a habit that undermines the fabric of the caring relationships and close-working communities we all desire.

EXERCISE:

How and in what ways can you permanently retain and maintain the “Midas Touch” to continuously find the gold in the people in your professional and personal worlds?

their can’t

Posted on August 22, 2016 by Barry

“Their ‘Can’t’ is my trumpet.”

—Brendon Burchard, American Motivational Author

Image from Flickr by Mauro Hiroshi Cannas

One of my favorite authors is Seth Godin. I particularly like his recent book, “What to Do When it’s Your Turn.” The subtitle, “And it’s Always Your Turn,” is a key element of his brilliance.

Too often we are hoping to be picked for the team, asked to dance, or selected for promotions or other desired opportunities. We all frequently experience setbacks, disappointments, and others telling us what we can and can’t do.

EXERCISE:

How can you take Brendon’s coaching and let the “Can’t” be your own trumpeting call, to boldly choose yourself and realize more of your full potential?

healing the world

Posted on August 15, 2016 by Barry

“Each of us has a unique part to play in the healing of the world.”

-Marianne Williamson, American Spiritual Teacher

Image from mirrorspectrum.com

If you’ve been following the news over the past year – and particularly in the last two months – it is pretty clear the world could use considerable healing.

Many people experience a sense of overwhelm and even hopelessness, since the issue seem so enormous and insurmountable.

Just as we all know that to eat an elephant we must take one bite at a time, Marianne Williamson suggests we can all play a unique healing role within our families, organizations, and communities.

EXERCISE:

What one or two actions can you take today to bring much needed healing to your communities and our world?

say something nice

Posted on August 11, 2016 by Barry

“Gossip is the Devil’s Radio.”

-George Harrison, member of The Beatles

Image from giantbomb.com

I clearly recall my parents emphasizing the adage, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Unfortunately, this altruistic idea is difficult when we desire to belong and fit in with our various communities.

Using the radio metaphor, where do you stand in your willingness to receive destructive transmissions? When do you initiate them? Given our hyper-connected social media world, these messages can spread like wildfire.

EXERCISE:

What if you choose to be an angel – rather than a devil- by sharing only positive, affirming messages today? What would be possible if we all engaged in this approach?

Optimism is essential to achievement

Posted on August 8, 2016 by Barry

“Optimism is essential to achievement, and it is also the foundation of courage and true progress.”

-Nicholas Murray Butler, 20th Century president of the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace

Image from questionpro.com

Would you like to live a longer, happier, more fulfilling and successful life?

Over the past two decades, I’ve conducted an unscientific, subjective assessment which indicates that my more optimistic clients are more successful and fulfilled during and beyond their coaching engagements.

Other scientifically verified sources attribute a number of benefits to optimism, including:

Having greater purpose	Increased coping skills	Increased productivity
More satisfying relationships	Reduced frustration & worry	Decreased stress
More vibrant health	Improved problem-solving	Enhanced self-esteem

EXERCISE:

Consider taking the 15-minute Learned Optimism Test, adapted from Dr. Martin Seligman’s book, Learned Optimism, as a step toward your own more rewarding life.

Even a Monster

Posted on August 2, 2016 by Barry

“Even a monster backs off when one feeds it lovingly.”

-Laurent Carrel, Messages from Melanie

image from Photobucket by Seldric

Over 40 years ago, I worked my way through school as a “Deli Man” at a popular restaurant in Philadelphia called Jacks. I earned a whopping $36 for my 12-hour, Saturday night shift.

Saturday was the busiest day of the week, since many customers were purchasing ingredients for the traditional Sunday brunches held in the neighborhood.

One day, I noticed that all the other Deli Men had taken their 30-minute breaks just as a particular customer came to the counter. They left me with the woman they called “The Deli Monster,” because she was never satisfied and complained about everything.

Somewhere along the line, I had heard someone say “kill them with kindness,” so I determined to meet and exceed her every desire. She practically adopted me, and I became her favorite Deli Man for the rest of my time at the restaurant!

EXERCISE:

Who are some of the monsters that terrorize your personal and professional worlds?
Where would a kinder, more loving approach do the trick and have them back off as well as become a friend or ally?

Reclaim Our Life

Posted on August 1, 2016 by Barry

“We must reclaim our life agenda once more.”

-Brendon Burchard, American Motivational Author

Image from Flickr by Roland Urbanek

One of the most fundamental elements of people leading full and satisfying lives is autonomy, or as some might say, the ability to guide and direct our own lives.

For many, the ability to chart our own life course has been taken over, or at least overshadowed, by the professional and personal communities within which we operate.
One simple self-test to see if this is true for you is to examine how often your inner voice says, “I don’t want to…” when you are asked to do something.

EXERCISE:

How and in what small or big ways can you reclaim your own life agenda, to lead a fuller, more satisfying life?