“We have a tendency to want…”

Posted on September 22, 2015 by Barry

“We have a tendency to want the other person to be a finished product while we give ourselves the grace to evolve.”

-T.D. Jakes, Apostle/Bishop of The Potter’s House

Image from responsiveuniverse.me

How guilty are you of having a double standard regarding the people in your personal and professional worlds?

How often do you hold people to some form of ideal to which few ever match up? How often do you use this same standard of excellence as a measure of your own efforts, behaviors, and achievements?

EXERCISE:

If you are in the smallest way guilty of this double standard, examine the costs it may have in key relationships. What adjustment can you make in your perception and point of view to accept and embrace that we are all “works in progress”?

“Play the game where…”

Posted on September 16, 2015 by Barry

“Play the game where everyone wins something.”

—Author Unknown

Image from ericcheser.com

It is the norm for most sports and board games to result in winners and losers. A driving force for many is to beat, vanquish, and annihilate their competition.

A wide variety of collaborative pursuits in the game of life—including relationships, team projects, and business partnerships—do not need to go this route.

In fact, when we focus our efforts to realize win-win scenarios, the end results are often far better and significantly more satisfying.

EXERCISE:

Where and in what ways can you take more of a win-win approach in your personal and professional life? What would you be able to celebrate together if you did that more often?

“The Things You Say About Others…”

Posted on September 15, 2015 by Barry

“The things you say about others, also say a lot about you.”

—Mark Amend, American Poet

Image from 8tracks.com

We have all heard the phrase “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

As you observe your own behavior and that of others, how well do you think we are living by these words? What is your opinion of others who always seem to be putting others down, or sharing a critical, negative perspective, whether asked or not?

EXERCISE:

Examine the things you say about others, or better yet, ask others to share their objective observation about your behavior in this area. What does this say about you, and what modifications are needed to receive a far better appraisal?

“Integrate what you believe in every…”

Posted on September 8, 2015 by Barry

“Integrate what you believe in every single area of your life. Take your heart to work and ask the most and best of everybody else, too.”

—Meryl Streep, Three-time American Academy Award-Winning Actor

Image from yahoo.com

Meryl Streep is one of the most recognized and award-winning actors of the last few decades.

Recently, my wife Wendy and I saw “Ricki and the Flash,” a film in which Streep plays an aging female rock star with family challenges.

Her performance demonstrates her ability to bring her heart and her best to every role she plays. She truly walks the talk of her quote.

EXERCISE:

How well do you integrate your deeply held beliefs into all areas of your life?

How can you bring your whole-hearted self to work, and support those around you to pursue their personal best?

“Never let the fear…”

Posted on August 14, 2015 by Barry

“Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.”

—Babe Ruth, American baseball player whose Major League career spanned 22 seasons

Photo from thegreedypinstripes.com

Perhaps no baseball player in history will ever achieve as much notoriety as Babe Ruth, who began his 22-year career 101 years ago, in 1914.

Among the many interesting facts about Babe was his unique method for keeping cool during hot summer games, wearing uniforms made of wool. His trick to provide relief for an inning or two was to chill cabbage leaves in ice, then put the frozen leaves under his cap!

Surprisingly, Ruth is ranked 113th on the all-time strikeout list, with 1,330 strikeouts. Compare that to Reggie Jackson, who had 2,597 strikeouts. Perhaps it was his quote and the cabbage that did the trick?

EXERCISE:

Where is the fear of striking out in your professional or personal life stopping you? Where do you most need to get up to the plate and swing away? What strategies will help you keep your cool in the process?

“Become the most positive…”

Posted on August 13, 2015 by Barry

“Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.”

—H. Jackson Brown, Jr. American author of Life’s Little Instruction Book

Positive psychology is the scientific study of human flourishing, and an applied approach to optimal functioning. It has been defined as the study of the strengths and virtues that enable individuals, communities, and organizations to thrive.

Although no single quote can capture the full impact and magnitude of this field of study, this one does point us in the direction of human qualities that can lead us to the better life we all desire.

EXERCISE:

Consider doing a Google search on the subject of “positive psychology” to learn more about many techniques and strategies to leading a fuller, more satisfying life.

If you have 20 minutes, check out Martin Seligman’s 2004 Ted Talk titled “The New Era of Positive Psychology.” Over 3 million people have viewed it to date.

To learn even more, consider Seligman’s books:
Learned Optimism (1991)
Authentic Happiness (2002)
Flourish (2012)

“True Happiness is…”

Posted on August 10, 2015 by Barry

“True Happiness is enjoying the scenery while on a detour.”

—Author Unknown

Image from www.culpwrit.com

Over the spring and summer months, road construction in Michigan increases dramatically. Many people joke that we only have two seasons in Michigan—winter, and construction.

Unfortunately, the “happiness level” of many people drops considerably when the orange barrels and detour signs appear. These and other life detours—the things that differ from our intentions and expectations—will always be part of our lives. Today’s quote coaches us to make the most of them rather than resisting them.

EXERCISE:

How can you shift your perspective on the detours in your life, to claim a far greater helping of happiness each and every day?

“Answers are closed rooms…”

Posted on July 14, 2015 by Barry

“Answers are closed rooms; and questions are open doors that invite us in.”

—Nancy Willard – American novelist and poet

image from sanfranciscoaudiophilesociety.com

Much of our current educational system has focused on students getting the correct answer. How else will you earn a perfect score on tests, the ACT and SAT exams, get into a good college or university, and achieve success? And whose definition of success is it?

A more recent form of education tends to be far more focused on inquiry and experience-based learning. In this method, powerful questions open many different doors, inviting the learner to be an integral part of the educational process.

EXERCISE:

Identify a handful of powerful questions that will engage people more fully, professionally and personally. Share them with your family, friends, and colleagues.

Consider visiting the work of Michael Bungay Stainer, and many of his professional colleagues at http://www.boxofcrayons.biz/category/best-question/. There, you will discover some engaging and provocative questions to open more doors in your life.

“Create a life that feels good on the inside…”

Posted on July 9, 2015 by Barry

“Create a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside.”

-Author Unknown

image from positivelyaging.org

Many years ago, when Saturday Night Live was in its first years, there was a funny series of skits portrayed by Billy Crystal, titled “Fernando’s Hideaway.” His signature line was “You Look Mah-velous!”

With not a hair out of place, Fernando always says “I would rather look good than feel good, you know?” In our society today, we can observe this “looking good” approach to life success through the material, or status trappings many people pursue.

Alternatively, there has been a very significant journey inward for many people, where greater health, wisdom, and spiritual growth are increasingly valued and pursued.

EXERCISE:

Explore and take one action today that would enhance your mental, emotional, or spiritual worlds. Consider making this exercise a daily habit, and don’t be surprised if this inner work makes you look better on the outside, because you will be wearing considerably more smiles.

“Traveling: it leaves you speechless, then…”

Posted on June 10, 2015 by Barry

“Traveling: it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller.”

—Ibn Battuta, 14th century Moroccan explorer

photo from goodreads.com

One of my favorite books by Dr Seuss is Oh The Places You’ll Go, often given as a gift to high school or college graduates as they step into their life journey.

For many of us, this sense of adventure and excitement wanes as we settle into our day-to-day lives, work, and other more routine responsibilities.

Perhaps this is why most of my coaching clients have travel, adventure, and fun as things they want more of as they move forward. We simply want more WOW moments that leave us speechless. When we tell these “wow” stories, they often ignite the flame in others, causing them to more fully experience life, too.

EXERCISE:

Where have you longed to travel? Find someone who has actually been there – or perhaps a few people – and let their stories ignite a spark in you. When you make your plans and go yourself, consider what stories you will share that would benefit others.