Category Archives: Expectations

Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments

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“Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.”

—Neil Strauss, American author, journalist and ghostwriter.

Image from Amazon

Where in your life do you harbor resentments towards others?

Who are the people that make your blood boil — or just annoy you — because they let you down or fall short of your expectations?

In arguments with our significant others, it is not uncommon to hear the phrase “I’m not a mind reader” used to express our frustrations.

To avoid or lessen the occurrence of such interactions preempt them by speaking up early with direct and specific requests. If accepted, you have a clear promise — and if denied, you can always try negotiating an alternative path forward.

EXERCISE:

Where in your life are you silent about your expectations of others?

How has any underlying or overt resentment affected your relationship?

Consider reading Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott for many productive ways to speak up and listen better to improve your future interactions.

Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.

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“Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.”

—William S. Burroughs, 20th Century American writer and visual artist

Image from Unsplash by Drew Coffman

Many people treat life decisions like a game show.

When posed with a critical question, they feel that they must buzz in with an immediate answer. If these answers aren’t instantly available, they often give up and move on to some easier ones.

Rarely does operating this way result in any significant insight or growth.

Taking our time and patiently wrestling with our more challenging issues is a proven method of building our mental muscles and resilience.

EXERCISE:

Where would a more relaxed and patient approach to life’s questions offer you more and better answers to the significant issues facing you?

“When we raise our hopes and lower our expectations, we establish a resilient way forward.

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“When we raise our hopes and lower our expectations, we establish a resilient way forward.”

—Seth Godin, author, entrepreneur, and teacher

Image from Unsplash by Pedro Sanz

I recently looked for an easy-to-understand definition of resilience. Here is what the American Psychological Association had to offer:

Resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.

Seth’s view on the subject is a lot easier to understand and implement!

EXERCISE:

In what areas of life would raising your hopes and lowering your expectations boost your resilience and help you move forward?

The wedding is an event, love is a practice. The Graduation is

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“The wedding is an event, love is a practice. The graduation is an event, education is…”

—James Clear, Author of Atomic Habits

Image from Unsplash by Brett Jordan

Full Quote: “The wedding is an event, love is a practice. The graduation is an event, education is a practice. The race is an event, fitness is a practice. The heart, mind, and body are endless pursuits.”

Too many of us rest our hopes and expectations on the big days of our lives.

We are constantly looking to capture and highlight moments to post on social media, to proclaim to the world we’ve arrived, or that we are at the top of our games.

But life isn’t just about peak experiences.

It involves the ordinary and often mundane daily efforts of doing our best even when few people ever notice. It definitely includes the rituals, routines, and daily practices that give our lives purpose and meaning.

EXERCISE:

In what ways do you sharpen the saws of your mind and body through your daily efforts?

What heart-based activities keep your life beating to the often-whispering tunes of your soul?

Embrace all of your wins no matter their size

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Embrace all of your wins no matter their size.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by National Cancer Institute

As we begin a new year it is a common practice to reflect on the year gone by to see how it compared to our expectations.

Far too many of us experience regret and even shame for coming up short of our grandiose plans. With the wind knocked out of our sails, it’s increasingly difficult to shoot for the stars again in the year ahead.

Instead of looking through these lenses, consider the phrase What I got done today is what I got done today.

Acknowledge all your wins, in which you met the many challenges that landed in your lap the past 365 days.

EXERCISE:

Display the phrase What I got done today is what I got done today on your bathroom mirror.

Reflect on its simple wisdom each morning and night as you brush your teeth for at least two minutes.

Better dental checkups will be an added bonus!

“If you can’t pay it back, pay it forward.”

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“If you can’t pay it back, pay it forward.”

—Catherine Ryan Hyde, American novelist and short story writer

Image from Unsplash by Ekaterina Shakharova

Who are the people who have invested the most in you over the years?

How did they spend their time, energy, and resources to help you become the person you are today?

In what ways did you repay them for their invaluable contributions?

When I examine my own list, I sometime feel unsettled.

A good number of my teachers, mentors, advisors, and family members are no longer with us. Simply sending my prayers and feelings of gratitude into the domain of spirit doesn’t seem to be enough.

Upon deeper review, I realized that these special individuals probably never expected anything in return. They would probably be very pleased to see me paying many of their lessons forward to others in my communities.

EXERCISE:

Where and with whom would a pay it forward strategy help you balance the ledger of your life for all that you have received from others over the years?

“We are the gatekeepers of our expectations.”

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“We are the gatekeepers of our expectations.”

—Sue Heatherington, writer

Image from Unsplash by Georg Eiermann

Earlier this month a good friend asked me to help launch his boat and take it to his dock about an hour away from where it was stored for the winter.

During this process, we traveled through various bays and canals that required bridges to be raised for us to pass.  As an inexperienced land lubber, I found the gatekeeping process that allowed our passage fascinating.

When we repeat the process in October, I’ve been promised to be promoted to co-captain for an hour with a short stint of steering the boat in open water, of course.

EXERCISE:

Where do your experience various types of gatekeepers in your life?

How would being more mindful of your personal and professional expectations help you avoid some of the stormy seas of life?

Do my expectations match the level of effort I’m giving

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“Do my expectations match the level of effort I’m giving?”

—Shane Parrish, Founder of the Farnam Street website

Image from Unsplash by Product School

What are your thoughts about the statement You get what you expect?  How do your own personal and professional results align with your expectations?

I am all about the power of positivity when and only when our efforts are consistent with our thinking.

In my observations and in lots of social science studies there seems to be a strong correlation between the harder we work, and the luckier we get.

EXERCISE:

How and where is it necessary to up your level of effort to match the expectations you have for yourself?

Where would raising your expectations and your level of effort be in order?

Friday Review: Expectations

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Friday Review: Expectations

What expectations do you carry for yourself? How do you react to the expectations others hold for you? Here are a few related posts you may have missed.

“For those who expect everything, there are many curses. For those who appreciate everything, there are many blessings.”

 

 

 

It is good to have a compass to point the way. Hold your expectation lightly and be prepared for unexpected roadblocks and detours.

 

 

 

“So many conditions of happiness are available. You don’t have to run into the future in order to get more.”

 

 

 

 

It is good to have a compass to point the way

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It is good to have a compass to point the way. Hold your expectation lightly and be prepared for unexpected roadblocks and detours.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Jamie Street-

Throughout the Christmas holidays, many young children pointed their compasses toward the north pole and Santa. With high expectations for what they hoped to find under the tree, they have been pointing their recent efforts to both good decisions and behaviors.

Most of us have been disappointed by things not always turning out as we’d hoped. To navigate around various setbacks and point the way, it is helpful to keep our visions and values in mind.

Regardless of the direction we are headed, we can almost always “course correct” and find ways to give ourselves the gift of a more rewarding life.

EXERCISE:

What internal compass do you use to point the way?

How can you hold your expectations lightly and be more prepared for life’s unexpected roadblocks and detours?