Category Archives: Friends

“I’m hungry to find people who are hungry.”

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“I’m hungry to find people who are hungry.”

—Michael Bungay Stainer, author of The Coaching Habit

Image from Unsplash by Maddi Bazzocco

Going out to eat is a primary pastime during our winter months in Florida.

My preference is to experiment with a wide variety of restaurants and types of food to keep things interesting.

One of my favorite places to go for lunch is an Asian buffet called Chow Time.

Our good friend Mitch has a robust appetite for both food and stimulating conversation. It’s nice to have our hunger satisfied beyond the many items being served over the numerous hours we spend in each other’s company!

EXERCISE:

Who are the people in your life that feed your mind and nourish your soul?

How can you spend more time with these special people — perhaps over a delicious meal?

A good friend is a connection to life —a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world

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“A good friend is a connection to life —a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.”

—Lois Wyse, late advertising executive and author

Image from Unsplash by Felix Roosting

About a month ago, I watched a short video clip in which Arthur Brooks was interviewed. In this conversation with Daniel Pink, Brooks he introduced the concept of real friends versus deal friends.

According to Brooks, deal friends are people who can help you in a transactional way, while real friends are the ones who might call you at inconvenient times in a crisis.

Deal friends are people who are useful to you in some way, however these friendships are often less satisfying and feel incomplete because they don’t involve the whole self.

EXERCISE:

Who are your real friends?

How have and do they connect you to life?

How often do you acknowledge these special relationships and let them know how meaningful they are to you?

I do my best because I’m counting on you counting on me.

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“I do my best because I’m counting on you counting on me.”

—Maya Angelou, late American poet, memoirist, and civil rights activist

Image from Unsplash by Matheus Ferrero

Who are the people in your life that you can always count on? Those special folks who are there in both good and bad times with just the right amount of support to aid you in your efforts? What qualities do you look for in them, and how do you stack up, given these criteria?

It is fairly rare to have a large list of such individuals in our lives. One way to attract more of these special people is to be one yourself.

EXERCISE:

Who are the people in your life that are counting on you to always do your best? What specific actions are required of you today to not let them down?

The best mirror is a friend’s eye

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“The best mirror is a friend’s eye.”

—Gaelic proverb

Rachel & Lesley (l) — Lesley & Ella (r)

My daughter Rachel’s best friend recently came for a surprise visit to see her, and to meet her new goddaughter, Ella.

Lesley and Rachel call each other Big Sis and Little Sis, and have been very close since grade school.

An elaborate plan for this visit was first orchestrated in November. With many of us playing our part, we accomplished the jaw dropping, tear-filled reunion.

Watching these two best friends reconnect over the next few days was a great gift for us as well.

EXERCISE:

Where and when have you experienced the value and joy of having a best friend? In what fun ways can you surprise them and show how very much they have meant to you over the years?

“The man or woman who treasurers his friends is usually solid gold himself.”

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“The man or woman who treasurers his friends is usually solid gold himself.”

—Marjorie Holmes, 20th Century American columnist & author

Two of our most treasured friends live near Poughkeepsie, New York. Wendy and I first met Emmy and Clark in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. Every August since 1984 we’ve joined them for a week at our annual timeshare, Shawnee on the Delaware. Beyond these annual vacations, we have stayed in touch to share many happy times, including birthdays, BBQs and other family celebrations.

Over the years, Emmy has sent us hundreds of handmade, personalized purple cards, to let us know we are in her thoughts. During some of our most challenging times, we would receive these “Pick Me Up” purple messages each week.

EXERCISE:

Who are the solid gold friends in your life? What purple card-like gesture can you offer these special people to more fully demonstrate how much you treasure them?

“Politeness is an inexpensive way of making friends.”

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“Politeness is an inexpensive way of making friends.”

—William A. Feather, 20th Century American publisher and author

Image from csbcorrespondent.com

How familiar are you with the 10 / 5 Rule?

In the hospitality industry, this rule dictates that when a staff member is ten feet from a guest, they smile and make direct eye contact.

When a staff member is within five feet, they greet the guest with a salutation such as Hello or Good Morning.

My modified version of this rule takes place on my daily morning walks when I wave at the people in cars and say hello to my fellow walkers and their dogs, making sure we are at least six feet apart.

EXERCISE:

Where and in what ways can and will you apply the polite no-cost gesture of the 10/5 Rule in your world, to make a few more friends?

“When people are like each other, they tend to like each other.”

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“When people are like each other, they tend to like each other.”

—Tony Robbins, American author, philanthropist and life coach

Image of Jane Goodall and a chimp

Image from the Jane Goodall Collection

Did you know that humans and chimpanzees share about 96 percent of the same DNA? Perhaps this is why we enjoy documentaries on these special creatures. When we observe them, we see numerous ways we are alike, such as in the care and nurturing of baby chimps.

Regarding human-to-human interactions, we often operate out of the Birds of a Feather Flock Together idea. At the same time, we can be very focused on where and how we differ as reasons to avoid, dislike, and even hate one another.

EXERCISE:

How would looking for the similarities and common characteristics and traits of others be the source of more friendships and closer communities in your world?

before borrowing money from a friend

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“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.”

-A Farmers Almanac Philosofact

Image of hands trading money

image from The Storage Facilitator

If you are a fan of Shakespeare, consider the advice Polonius provides to his son Laertes in Act I, Scene III of Hamlet:

Neither a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend.

What has been your experience with such matters? Where did things work out just fine, and where did things go wrong?

How do these sayings influence your point of view and perspective on being generous and helping others in need?

EXERCISE:

Consider responding to this post with your thoughts or perhaps discuss your view on this subject with a friend.

Defining a Friend

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“A friend is a person before whom I may think aloud.”

—Ralph Waldo Emerson, 19th Century American Essayist

Image of fingers with faces painted on

Image from www.lesaviezvous.net

How many true friends do you have?

I recently had a coaching session with a new client. He expressed a sense of emptiness due to a lack of true friends in his life, the surface nature of many of his relationships, and the significant lack of depth in his professional and personal discussions.

He also noted the need for greater courage and vulnerability, should he choose to open himself up and chance the risk of being judged.

EXERCISE:

Examine your own risk/reward ratio of thinking aloud more often, to develop and expand the friendships that can enhance your life.

Friday Review Friendship

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Friday Review: Friendship

We all get buy with a little help from our friends. Here are a few friendship-related posts you may have missed. Click on the Quote to read the full message:

QC #1016a

 

“A friend is a loved one who awakens your life in order to free the wild possibilities within you.”

 

 

QC #1016b

“A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.”

 

 

 

QC #1016c

“Friends are as companions on a journey, who ought to aid each other to persevere in the road to a happier life.”