Category Archives: Habits

Inspect what you expect

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“Inspect what you expect.”

-Paul J. Meyer, Founder of the Personal Development Industry

Image from Flickr by Kate Ter Haar

Image from Flickr by Kate Ter Haar

One of the primary reasons people experience varying degrees of upset in their lives is unfulfilled expectations.

When we believe that something is supposed to happen, such as a friend or colleague making a promise on which they do not follow through, our blood can boil a bit.

If we take coaching from today’s quote, and inspect what we expect, we can often shift our expectations on the fly. This will reduce negative consequences considerably. On many occasions, the added attention we give to such matters increase the odds of our expectations being fulfilled.

EXERCISE:

How would the practice or habit of inspecting what you expect impact your personal or professional worlds for the better?

“In the game of life, it is wise…”

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“In the game of life, it is wise to refrain from keeping score.”

—Author Unknown

Image from empowerenlightenenvision.com

Image from empowerenlightenenvision.com

As a business coach, most clients engage my services to support them in achieving the objectives and results they desire.

On many occasions, as today’s quote recommends, I suggest that they refrain from keeping score.

Consider these few additional quotes related to marriage, friendships, and relationships:

“Marriage is not a contest. Never keep score. God has put the two of you together on the same team, to win.”

“A friend is someone who does things that count, but doesn’t stop to count them.”

“Relationships aren’t for getting things. They are for giving things. Never fall in love to make yourself happy. Fall in love to make the person you fall in love with happy.”

EXERCISE:

Where has the habit of keeping score limited or challenged your personal or professional relationships? Where and with whom is it wiser to be more generous, and refrain from keeping score?

“Procrastination is the art…”

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“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.”

—Don Marquis, American humorist, journalist, and author

Image from connectedhotel.com

Image from connectedhotel.com

My father Marvin is a great teacher relative to today’s quote. One of the characteristics he demonstrates quite often, given his age and occasional forgetfulness, is what I call reverse procrastination. He has developed a “do it immediately” approach to many things.

The new habit can be surprising, because he often stops in the middle of one activity and starts another that has just come to mind. If he doesn’t do it when it comes to mind, he is likely to forget to do it at all. The up side of it is that he does remember to go back and finish the first activity!

EXERCISE:

Where do you fit on the procrastination continuum of “do it now,” or “it can wait for whenever”?

What adjustments are needed to make sure you are not simply keeping up with yesterday?

“Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy …”

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“Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.”

—Anonymous

Photo from Flickr by M01229

Photo from Flickr by M01229

As I write this post, it is a brisk seven degrees here in Michigan, and yet I am still going to  the gym to exercise.

My bed is comfortable, and far warmer than what awaits me outside. What gets me up and going when staying put would be far more pleasant?

Quite simply, I have made exercise a habit that takes far less discipline these days than it did in the past, before it became part of my daily routine.

The factors that lay beneath my exercise habit is the commitment I have made, and the value I attribute to being healthy.

EXERCISE:

What are the bad habits that no longer serve your professional or personal commitments? How will you embrace any discomfort you might experience by replacing one bad habit with one that will serve you better?

“To strengthen the muscle of your heart the best exercise is lifting someone else’s spirit when you can.”

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“To strengthen the muscle of your heart the best exercise is lifting someone else’s spirit when you can.”

—Author unknown

Photo from Flickr by tiff_ku1

Photo from Flickr by tiff_ku1

Did you know that your heart beats over 100,000 times in one day, and over 35 million times in a year? If you live an average lifetime, your heart will beat more than 2.5 billion times.

Each beat of your heart has about the same force as giving a tennis ball a hard squeeze. This force circulates approximately 5.9 quarts of blood through your body, three times every minute.

Through this constant effort the heart pumps the equivalent of about one million barrels of blood during an average lifetime, which is enough to fill more than three super tankers.

EXERCISE:

How can you exercise your heart today by being a coach, mentor, or friend to others, and lift their spirits higher?

“Habits are first cobwebs, then cables.”

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“Habits are first cobwebs, then cables.”

– Spanish Proverb

Photo from Flickr by Koen

Photo from Flickr by Koen

As a new year approaches, many people make resolutions to achieve various personal and professional goals. Research points out that well over 90 percent of their objectives never come to pass.

Most experts tell us it takes three to six weeks to create a habit. A new attempt at exercise, diet, and getting into better shape is like the first filament in a cobweb – delicate, unsupported, easily torn.

If, however, we continue the positive behaviors over longer periods of time, the filaments become cables that hold our lives together, strong enough to endure the challenges that might pull the weaker filaments apart.

EXERCISE:

Do a personal assessment of both your most positive and negative habits.

What will you need to do to support and strengthen those that serve you best?

What is necessary to break the strong cables of your undesirable habits, and replace them with the cobwebs – and eventually cables – of the behaviors you most desire?

“Habit is the daily battle-ground of character.”

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“Habit is the daily battleground of character.”

—Dan Coats, 20th Century American politician and diplomat

Image from Unsplash by Prophsee Journals

I agree with the quote above, and disagree with it at the same time.

Let’s start where I disagree. Many of us engage in a variety of not-so-wonderful habits that would be called “character flaws” by many. These habits include eating junk food, not exercising, and spending money we don’t have, leaving us in debt.

On the other hand, the good and noble habits that demonstrate character often occur initially as a battle-ground, due to the need to go outside our comfort zones.

Most people of high character would suggest that the rewards of these habits are well worth it – and over time they become far less of a struggle to maintain.

Exercise:

Choose one of your current undesirable habits and promise yourself (and those around you) that you will replace it with one that demonstrates your highest character.

If you would like additional help with this and other habits you may wish to develop, consider purchasing and implementing the strategies in the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg:  charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit

“The world has a habit of making room for the man whose words and actions show that he knows where he is going.”

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“The world has a habit of making room for the man whose words and actions show that he knows where he is going.”

– Napoleon Hill, early self-help author

Self-confidence can be a slippery slope. When we have too little, we are often paralyzed. If we demonstrate too much, we could be perceived as cocky, arrogant, or closed-minded.

Exercise:

Three strategies to develop and enhance your confidence without going too far include:

1. Working on critical skills and abilities through committed and consistent practice to enhance your competency.
2. Working on your ability to remain calm and centered when faced with events that can trigger upsets and strong emotions.
3. Speaking and acting each day in ways consistent with your core values and fundamental beliefs. They will provide you with both direction and personal power to step confidently through your world.

“A bad habit never goes away by itself: it’s always an ‘undo-it-yourself’ project.”

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“A bad habit never goes away by itself: it’s always an ‘undo-it-yourself’ project.”

– Abigail Van Buren, founder of the “Dear Abby” column

Many researchers would say that we are our habits. All we need to do is observe the over 95% failure rate of New Year’s resolutions to see how entrenched they are. Depending on your age, you have 20, 30, 40 or more years of practice engaging in these bad habits – no wonder they seem so resistant to change.

Exercise:

Begin your “undo-it-yourself “project by replacing a bad habit with a good one, using the following 4 steps:

Step 1: Select a bad habit you wish to break which is keeping you from a high-priority goal.
Step 2: Identify the new habit you desire by observing individuals who’ve achieved this goal.
Step 3: List the exact behaviors they consistently engage in and copy their effort as closely as possible for at least 3 weeks
Step 4: Enlist additional social and structural support to ensure your success.

Feel free to get back to me and let me know what you were able to achieve, by replying to this email.

“Do your little bit of good wherever you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”

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“Do your little bit of good wherever you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”

—Desmond Tutu, South African bishop and opponent of apartheid

I have recently finished reading the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. One of the ideas he points out as a way to generate individual and organizational habits that lead to greater success is to focus on “small wins.”

Too often we glamorize only the big wins – you know, those “superbowl” sized accomplishments that are highlighted in the media – without recognizing all those little steps along the way.

Exercise:

Develop a “little bit of good” journal, scoreboard or notebook to capture all the ways you can and do make the world a better place.

Create a separate section to capture all the little bits of good others do for you.

Imagine the possibilities of seven billion people doing this exercise!