Category Archives: Relationships

Defining a Friend

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“A friend is a person before whom I may think aloud.”

—Ralph Waldo Emerson, 19th Century American Essayist

Image of fingers with faces painted on

Image from www.lesaviezvous.net

How many true friends do you have?

I recently had a coaching session with a new client. He expressed a sense of emptiness due to a lack of true friends in his life, the surface nature of many of his relationships, and the significant lack of depth in his professional and personal discussions.

He also noted the need for greater courage and vulnerability, should he choose to open himself up and chance the risk of being judged.

EXERCISE:

Examine your own risk/reward ratio of thinking aloud more often, to develop and expand the friendships that can enhance your life.

He Who Trims Himself

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“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.”

—Raymond Hull, Canadian Playwright and Lecturer

Image of a person whittling on a piece of wood

Image from Unsplash by Nathan Lemon

In the best selling book, Give and Take by University of Pennsylvania professor, Adam Grant, we learn the pros and cons of being a “giver.”

Grant divides givers into two groups:

The first group have high other-interest and low self-interest. This can work against their giving nature; they burn out, or as put in today’s quote, whittle themselves away.

Conversely, the group Grant calls “other-ish,” maintain high self-interest along with high other-interest. This keeps them on an even keel and provides optimal results for themselves and others.

EXERCISE:

How can you more fully maintain your own self-interest and well-being while generously contributing to others in your professional and personal worlds?

Things you do for yourself

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“The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.”

—Kalu Ndukwe Kalu, former NFL Defensive End

Image of hands, one giving a flower to the other

Image from Unsplash by Evan Kirby

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to speak at an Optimist Club meeting here in southeast Michigan. Part of their meeting was given to announcements about a half-dozen public service and fundraising projects with which the group is involved.

It was inspiring to see how engaged, enthusiastic, and full of life the club members were as they put others first. They are clearly building a legacy through their passionate, contributory efforts.

EXERCISE:

Who in either your personal or professional worlds could benefit most from what you have to give? How will you both feel when you do?

Feel free to let me know what happens if you choose to take on this exercise.

Some Cause Happiness

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

—Oscar Wilde, 19th Century Irish Playwright and Poet

Image of two women smiling

Image from Flickr by Christopher Connell

Who would you want to be with if you were stuck in an elevator for an hour or longer?

What one person would you want to be with if you were stranded on a deserted island?

If someone calls you at home just as you head to bed for the night, who would you most want that caller to be?

EXERCISE:

Examine the qualities and characteristics of the people you identified. How does your happiness index improve by the thought of their company?

What work may be needed on your part to have others put you on their list of special people?

Find Good Support

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“Don’t wait for someone to take you under their wing. Find a good wing and climb up underneath it.”

—Frank C. Bucard, Author of The Trust Puzzle

Image from Flickr by Savannah Sam Photography

Image from Flickr by Savannah Sam Photography

We all need help if we are to fly high and far.

Think back to the recent Olympics in Brazil, and consider the social supports in place for each athlete. Beyond their coaches, there were friends, family, mentors, and sports psychologists directing their efforts toward personal excellence.

In the event you do not have your own team of supportive individuals lined up to encourage and uphold you, begin today to seek them out, and choose the very best. With a champion’s spirit and effort, both you and those with “good wings” will benefit greatly.

EXERCISE:

Once your “A” team of supportive individuals are on board, take the initiative to spread your own wings for others to climb underneath.

Don’t belittle yourself

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“Don’t belittle yourself. Be-Big yourself.”

—Corita Kent, American Catholic Nun

Image from fineartamerica.com

Image from fineartamerica.com

There is, perhaps, no greater destructive force in relationships than that of belittling and diminishing others. Eleanor Roosevelt gave us a bit of coaching with her famous quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Today’s quote points to the not always recognized inner critic and the things we say about ourselves. How often do you chastise, berate, belittle, and judge yourself, personally or professionally?

EXERCISE:

What alternative “Be-Bigging” messages can you use now and in the future to build, empower, and support your own self-confidence and self-worth?

Consider enlisting the help and coaching of others when you aren’t aware of these often hidden attempts to bring yourself down.

Find the Gold

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“Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one that finds the gold.”

-author unknown

Image from Flickr by CameliaTWU

Image from Flickr by CameliaTWU

The world came together in Rio for two weeks earlier this month, to marvel at and celebrate the performance of 10,500 athletes from over 200 countries.

I particularly enjoy the back stories of these remarkable people. How they came to pursue their dream of becoming an Olympian, regardless of whether they make it to the podium, is often inspiring.

With the 2016 Olympics now behind us, how many of us will fall back into the undesirable habit of looking for the dirt in one another? This is a habit that undermines the fabric of the caring relationships and close-working communities we all desire.

EXERCISE:

How and in what ways can you permanently retain and maintain the “Midas Touch” to continuously find the gold in the people in your professional and personal worlds?

solve problems

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“How can I help others solve problems and achieve their dreams?”

-Brendon Burchard, American Motivational Author

image of a reciprocity ring

image from Humaxnetworks.com

What do top organization like IBM, Boeing, General Motors, and Bristol Myers Squibb have in common?

They have all used the Reciprocity Ring Exercise developed by University Sociologist Wayne Baker, and his wife Cheryl, at Humax.

The process involves groups in which the members ask for something important to them in their personal or professional lives. Requests are put out to the group and all participants make connections, offer introductions to contacts, or give other, more tangible help with achieving the member’s goals.

EXERCISE:

Check out the Reciprocity Ring Exercise and consider using it to help others in your professional or personal world solve problems and achieve their dreams.

stop a steamroller

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“You will not stop a steamroller by standing in front of it, but by letting it run out of steam.”

-Laurent Carrel, Messages from Melanie

image of a steamroller

Image from thoughtleadersllc.com

Do you know someone who unleashes anger, judgement, frustration, and upset on you or others from time to time?

Once they’re on a roll, there seems no stopping them, but there is one technique that can take the steam out of them. Choose to demonstrate interest in them by listening even more fully to their issues and concerns.

Use well-structured open-ended questions and layering to gain a greater depth of understanding. With this technique, you will likely help them quickly run out of steam.

EXERCISE:

Where and with whom could you try this technique, to create more work-ability in this important relationship?

Life is a bank account

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“Business and life are like a bank account. You can’t take out more than you put in.”

—William Feather, 20th Century American Writer and Publisher

image of a piggy bank with a gas meter on it

Image from Stevemgus.com

When you were little did you have a piggy bank in which to save for that special something you desired? Did you have chores or another way of investing efforts to earn more and add more to your small fortune?

When I entered school we were all encouraged to start a savings account. We would grow our tidy sums with the promise of a bonus—called “interest”—that would add even more.

Today, most of us contribute to our IRAs, 401Ks, and other investment vehicles, in order to grow our net worth and provide the financial security and independence we all desire.

EXERCISE:

Where and in what ways can you invest your personal and professional efforts to reap the compounded interest of a life focused on giving and contributing to others?