“Speak in such a way that others love to listen to you. Listen in such a way that others love to speak to you.”
—Author Unknown
Image from beyond.com
One thing I know for sure is that quality relationships result when our focus is on others rather than ourselves.
Being interested rather than interesting will channel your listening and speaking skills, to help you successfully navigate your professional and personal worlds.
EXERCISE:
Choose your words today, so that they resonate at the frequency others hear and appreciate. How can you tune into the messages and signals of those around you, so that you fully honor and show how important they are to you?
“I wonder how many people I’ve looked at all my life and never seen.”
-John Steinbeck, American Author
Image from differencebetween.info
What is the difference between looking at something, and truly seeing it?
Whether it’s a painting or a person, my sense is that the differences can be great or small, considering the circumstance.
Great art, and in the case of today’s quote, the art of relationship creation and sustainability, requires a level of mastery seldom available to the paint-by-number novice.
EXERCISE:
Where can you place the time and effort to gain the depth of connection, cooperation, and collaboration you desire in your professional and personal lives, through more seeing and less looking?
“Although we are responsible for our own happiness, having a friend who opens more doors than we close is truly one of life’s greatest blessings.”
-Author Unknown
photo from ilicoreleadership.org
If you happen to believe the adage, “No man is an island,” today’s quote is for you. In virtually no area of human achievement do you see any great, overwhelming examples of the “Lone Ranger Approach” succeeding in the long run. And come to think of it, even the Lone Ranger had Tonto by his side.
EXERCISE:
How can you further your own happiness journey by fostering better, deeper, and more satisfying personal and professional friendships? Where can you be an even more valuable friend and blessing to others?
“A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles.”
—Tim Cahill, travel writer
In early May, my wife Wendy and I celebrated forty years together and 36 years of marriage by taking a river cruise along the Danube between Passau, Germany and Budapest, the capital of Hungary. We’ve taken many other cruises over the years. What made this one special—beyond each other’s company—was that there were only 136 other passengers, and about 40 crew members.
One of the most pleasant surprises was the number of friendships we made with this intimate group of fascinating people from around the globe.
EXERCISE:
Who are the friends in your world that have made your life journey meaningful and rewarding? How can you continue your journey with a greater emphasis on using the development of close, caring friendships as a measure of a meaningful life?
“If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.”
—Dale Carnegie, American writer and lecturer
Photo from Flickr by Mini Cooper
Few among us have not experienced a bee sting at some point in our lives.
Honey bees are gentle by nature, and can be found in almost all urban and rural environments. Only when we disturb their gentle worlds do we find ourselves at the end of their stingers.
It is in our best interest to care for these important creatures because of their role in our environment and food supplies.
EXERCISE:
How can you gain greater sweetness from life from the people in your professional and personal worlds by taking a more gentle and nurturing approach in your daily interactions?
“It’s during bad times that you can tell if someone is any good.”
—Author Unknown
Photo from Flickr by Betsy Weber
Take a moment to examine your personal and professional relationships. How many truly good people can you list, based on the quote above?
It is pretty easy to be friends with people when times are good and little or few demands are placed on us. When the going gets tough, fewer people step up and step in to help.
These special few, appearing like angels sent from heaven to help us when we stumble, hold a “sacred” place in our hearts.
EXERCISE:
What can you do today to thank and fully acknowledge these extraordinary people? Take a moment to consider how many people in your world would place your name on their list.
“Surround yourself with people who make you hunger for life, touch your heart, and nourish your soul.”
—Author Unknown
Photo from lovetoknow.com
Over the years I have repeatedly heard that each of us is a close reflection of the five people with whom we spend the most time.
If this is true—or at least somewhat accurate—examine your five most prominent personal and professional relationships to see how they make you hunger for life, touch your heart, and nourish your soul.
One way to progress in this area is to give the same support back to those five people, simply because you can. By making such an investment in others, I hope you will discover the wondrous gift of reciprocity that will leave you with even more than when you began.
EXERCISE:
Share this quote with at least one person in your personal and/or professional life. Please share with them your sincere desire to contribute to their life. Be prepared to let them know how to best support you when they ask.
“The greatest challenge you face will probably not be the technical side of your job (your expertise), but rather interacting with other people.”
—Shirley Tayor, American author and Speaker
Photo from bolderlogic.com
Over the years I have had the opportunity to work with a wide variety of clients. Here in southeast Michigan a sizable percentage of our economy is somewhat dependent on the automotive industry.
A fairly common assignment is to support the growth and development of up-and-coming leaders and managers. These assignments almost always include a focus on the softer skill of interpersonal communication, so important to producing greater results within and outside the organization.
It is for this reason than many experts in the fields of talent management, organizational development, and executive coaching insist that EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is at least as important as IQ and technical expertise.
EXERCISE:
Assess yourself and those you work with regarding the technical and soft skills necessary to work optimally. Consider training and/or coaching to support yourself and others to maximize these important attributes.
Although the smart phone is one of the most amazing devices ever invented, it does have a dark side.
Walk into any restaurant and you’ll see people out to eat as a family, yet tuning out of the experience by looking down at their phones, texting friends or scrolling through social media feeds. What does this mean in terms of the relationships and interpersonal communications that “make the world go round”?
In this YouTube video from Global Report News, we learn that those who are so deeply attached to their phone that they can’t turn it off no matter where they are or what company they are keeping, are less likely to be happy than those who can resist a ring or turn their phones completely off.
A Kent State University Study of 500 students showed that those who were avid mobile phone users suffered from higher anxiety, and their class work was inferior to those who were able and willing to switch off. The phone heightened their anxiety, and many felt obligated to keep in constant touch. I would expect the results to be similar, if not even more profound, if the study were replicated in the workforce.
What if you were to give particular attention today to how often the people around you tune out the rest of the world by focusing on their “magic box”? Great observation spots for this activity would be at the conference table, walking to and from a parking lot, during meals at restaurants or in your home, the library – even in houses of worship. What do you notice?
EXERCISE:
If you could have a meal with any fascinating person in the world – current, or historical – whom would you choose? How likely would you be to answer your phone in the midst of this meal? How would you feel if they cut you off to take a chatty, informal call? How can you become so interested and engaged that you would never think of of answering or checking your phone, without good reason, in the presence of another person?
No subjects come up more often in my work as a coach as relationships and interpersonal communication. I always encourage my clients to be sincerely interested in others, listen fully, and of course, allow others to fully express their ideas and opinions.
When the focus on others and being a “giver” is not reciprocated, when we cross oceans for those who won’t even jump a puddle for us, a one-sided, often toxic relationship ensues, leaving us feeling empty, frustrated, and many times, resentful.
EXERCISE:
Examine your personal and professional life to see if any of your relationships are one-sided. If so, consider whether it is time to start or stop crossing oceans.
