“If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.”
—Dale Carnegie, American writer and lecturer
Photo from Flickr by Mini Cooper
Few among us have not experienced a bee sting at some point in our lives.
Honey bees are gentle by nature, and can be found in almost all urban and rural environments. Only when we disturb their gentle worlds do we find ourselves at the end of their stingers.
It is in our best interest to care for these important creatures because of their role in our environment and food supplies.
EXERCISE:
How can you gain greater sweetness from life from the people in your professional and personal worlds by taking a more gentle and nurturing approach in your daily interactions?
“It’s during bad times that you can tell if someone is any good.”
—Author Unknown
Photo from Flickr by Betsy Weber
Take a moment to examine your personal and professional relationships. How many truly good people can you list, based on the quote above?
It is pretty easy to be friends with people when times are good and little or few demands are placed on us. When the going gets tough, fewer people step up and step in to help.
These special few, appearing like angels sent from heaven to help us when we stumble, hold a “sacred” place in our hearts.
EXERCISE:
What can you do today to thank and fully acknowledge these extraordinary people? Take a moment to consider how many people in your world would place your name on their list.
“Surround yourself with people who make you hunger for life, touch your heart, and nourish your soul.”
—Author Unknown
Photo from lovetoknow.com
Over the years I have repeatedly heard that each of us is a close reflection of the five people with whom we spend the most time.
If this is true—or at least somewhat accurate—examine your five most prominent personal and professional relationships to see how they make you hunger for life, touch your heart, and nourish your soul.
One way to progress in this area is to give the same support back to those five people, simply because you can. By making such an investment in others, I hope you will discover the wondrous gift of reciprocity that will leave you with even more than when you began.
EXERCISE:
Share this quote with at least one person in your personal and/or professional life. Please share with them your sincere desire to contribute to their life. Be prepared to let them know how to best support you when they ask.
“The greatest challenge you face will probably not be the technical side of your job (your expertise), but rather interacting with other people.”
—Shirley Tayor, American author and Speaker
Photo from bolderlogic.com
Over the years I have had the opportunity to work with a wide variety of clients. Here in southeast Michigan a sizable percentage of our economy is somewhat dependent on the automotive industry.
A fairly common assignment is to support the growth and development of up-and-coming leaders and managers. These assignments almost always include a focus on the softer skill of interpersonal communication, so important to producing greater results within and outside the organization.
It is for this reason than many experts in the fields of talent management, organizational development, and executive coaching insist that EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is at least as important as IQ and technical expertise.
EXERCISE:
Assess yourself and those you work with regarding the technical and soft skills necessary to work optimally. Consider training and/or coaching to support yourself and others to maximize these important attributes.
Although the smart phone is one of the most amazing devices ever invented, it does have a dark side.
Walk into any restaurant and you’ll see people out to eat as a family, yet tuning out of the experience by looking down at their phones, texting friends or scrolling through social media feeds. What does this mean in terms of the relationships and interpersonal communications that “make the world go round”?
In this YouTube video from Global Report News, we learn that those who are so deeply attached to their phone that they can’t turn it off no matter where they are or what company they are keeping, are less likely to be happy than those who can resist a ring or turn their phones completely off.
A Kent State University Study of 500 students showed that those who were avid mobile phone users suffered from higher anxiety, and their class work was inferior to those who were able and willing to switch off. The phone heightened their anxiety, and many felt obligated to keep in constant touch. I would expect the results to be similar, if not even more profound, if the study were replicated in the workforce.
What if you were to give particular attention today to how often the people around you tune out the rest of the world by focusing on their “magic box”? Great observation spots for this activity would be at the conference table, walking to and from a parking lot, during meals at restaurants or in your home, the library – even in houses of worship. What do you notice?
EXERCISE:
If you could have a meal with any fascinating person in the world – current, or historical – whom would you choose? How likely would you be to answer your phone in the midst of this meal? How would you feel if they cut you off to take a chatty, informal call? How can you become so interested and engaged that you would never think of of answering or checking your phone, without good reason, in the presence of another person?
No subjects come up more often in my work as a coach as relationships and interpersonal communication. I always encourage my clients to be sincerely interested in others, listen fully, and of course, allow others to fully express their ideas and opinions.
When the focus on others and being a “giver” is not reciprocated, when we cross oceans for those who won’t even jump a puddle for us, a one-sided, often toxic relationship ensues, leaving us feeling empty, frustrated, and many times, resentful.
EXERCISE:
Examine your personal and professional life to see if any of your relationships are one-sided. If so, consider whether it is time to start or stop crossing oceans.
Unless you live in northern Alaska, the Australian Outback, or on some secluded island, you are probably engaged in our hyper-communicative world. Examine, if you will, all the means by which you are inundated by it and drowning in it.
When I was young, people would say, “A penny for your thoughts.” Even then, the value of talk was cheap, and yet we all believe that what we have to say has value and is worth much more than a penny!
EXERCISE:
Pay particular attention today to the value of what you and others share in your interactions.
See what you and others actually desire or demand. Speaking to those matters will likely generate more golden nuggets and pearls of wisdom, which are in limited supply.
I have never prepared or eaten an entire artichoke, only the hearts from a can or those marinated in a jar.
Hasting’s statement peaked my curiosity and I wondered, “How difficult could this be?” If you are like me, you simply go to your favorite search engine and query the universe.
I learned that there is an eleven-step process to preparing and eating an artichoke. If the process is not followed closely, you could experience considerable digestive challenges, and problems with your garbage disposal as well.
How is eating an artichoke like getting to know someone really well? If you truly wish to get to the heart of another and develop a close, quality relationship, it takes time, patience, care, and attention to detail.
EXERCISE:
Examine the relationships you hope to make or take to a new level, professionally or personally. How would a patient and somewhat methodical approach yield the lasting, substantial relationships you desire?
What is your favorite form of social media? If you go in order of popularity, the usage looks something like this:
Facebook has about 1.23 billion users
LinkedIn has about 332 million users
Twitter has about 284 million users
Please don’t respond saying my numbers are wrong, as they aren’t relevant to the point of this post.
Do you know how many friends, connections, or followers you have on each of your social sites?
Without question, the internet and social media have brought about amazing changes, making our world more connected and noisy to the point, for some, of addictive engagement.
Godin’s question asks if we are collecting friends or followers like dots, or are we truly looking to genuinely connect and contribute to other people’s lives.
EXERCISE:
Examine your skills, abilities, gifts, and talents that contribute to those on the other side of the monitor or mobile device. Consider that if you create something truly remarkable, you will likely have your very best friends and followers connecting the dots with you.
“It is far more impressive when others discover your qualities without your help.”
—Miss Manners (Judith Martin), American journalist, author, and etiquette authority
Photo from Amazon.com
Someone wise once told me that if you say something nice about yourself it is bragging, yet if others say the very same thing about you, it is the truth!
In my years of coaching, I have seen that there is no single critical factor more important to the building and sustaining of relationships than a genuine interest in others.
Those individuals who focus on themselves and being interesting rather than interested tend to repel people in their professional and personal lives.
EXERCISE:
How can you channel your effort and attention in the genuine service of others without calling attention to yourself, and allow others, if and when appropriate, to acknowledge and appreciate your efforts?
Also consider heightening your own focus and awareness on the remarkable qualities of others. Don’t be surprised if they reciprocate!
