Category Archives: Relationships

The best kind of laughter is laughter born of a shared memory

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“The best kind of laughter is laughter born of a shared memory.”

—Mindy Kaling, American actress, comedian, screenwriter, and producer

Image from Unsplash by Surface

How familiar are you with the work of Carol Burnett? If you are a boomer like me, you made a point to never miss her variety show during her eleven-year run near the top of the TV ratings.

Her work was definitely family friendly, and I can vividly recall all of us crowding around our single TV to laugh together until our sides hurt.

A few weeks ago, Wendy and I got to relive many of these hilarious moments as a star-studded group of her friends got together to celebrated Carol’s 90th birthday.

The closing song on her show always began: I’m so glad we had this time together, just to have a laugh and sing a song……

EXERCISE:

Take a few minutes to recall some of your own laugh-filled memories. Note the people who shared these belly laughs and happy times and consider giving them a call to reminisce.

Deconstruct the cool things you see

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“Deconstruct the cool things you see… Don’t just taste the recipe, look for the ingredients.”

—James Clear, Author of Atomic Habits

Image from Unsplash by Gareth Hubbard

I consider myself a better than average cook, and can whip up something tasty from my fridge and cupboard on most days. I have a modest number of go-to dishes, and find myself using the same ingredients and seasonings over and over.

A few weeks ago, while waiting during a doctor visit, I found myself captivated by a cooking show called The Kitchen.  Watching the masterful chefs and celebrity cooks create simple and tasty dishes with ingredients I have on hand — and never considered using — was a breakthrough in my thinking.

EXERCISE:

What would be the benefit of deconstructing other aspects of life besides what’s for dinner?

What are the ingredients you can use to whip up better relationships, career success, and a healthier, more meaningful life?

“We learn nothing by being right.”

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“We learn nothing by being right.”

—Elizabeth, Princess Bibesco, 20th Century English socialite, actress and writer

Image from Unsplash by Robert Ruggiero

When was the last time you had a discussion in which the phrase “I know” was voiced by yourself or the other person?

How often does this phrase show up during a typical day at work or home?

When you hear these words, consider translating them into “I’ve stopped listening.”

Being right and making others wrong not only damages relationships, it also shuts down the potential of learning anything new.

EXERCISE:

Where would embracing a healthy dose of uncertainty and a more open mind improve your relationships and keep your wheels of wisdom turning?

“It takes some know how to know how to say no.”

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“It takes some know how to know how to say no.”

—Author Unknown

Image from Amazon

Yesterday’s post was about reaching the point of diminishing returns and the heavy costs we often pay.

Perhaps the most often used strategy to lighten our loads is to just say NO. How often have you given this approach a go, and how did things work out?

One primary reason saying NO is so difficult is that we don’t wish to damage the relationship. When we don’t create boundaries and say NO, we often hurt ourselves and feel considerable resentment.

EXERCISE:

Here are some useful books you may explore to help you learn to say NO:
The Power of a Positive No by William Ury
The Power of No by James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher
The Book of No by Susan Neuman
Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
The Art of Saying No by Damon Zahariades

 

Children will not remember you for the materials things you provided

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“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.”

—Richard L. Evans, 20th Century writer, producer, and announcer

Image from Unsplash by Ben Wicks

Do you have children or grandchildren? If your do, how many of them remember the gifts you gave them during the holidays last year?

To what degree do your little ones light up when you walk in the door empty handed but with arms wide open for some big hugs?

In what ways do you agree with the statement, ”The best things in life are not things”?  How do you show the people you care about the most that you cherish them?

EXERCISE:

Consider reading or re-reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  Over the years, he has expanded his work to include books related to children, teenagers and other groups.

Associate with people who are likely to improve you

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“Associate with people who are likely to improve you.”

—Seneca, Stoic philosopher of Ancient Rome

Image from Unsplash by Joshua Hoehne

How would you like to….

  • Improve your hand-eye coordination?
  • Enhance your mental alertness?
  • Improve your ability to concentrate?
  • Burn more calories?
  • Make more friends?
  • Improve your balance and reflexes?

If these attributes sound pretty good, you just might want to take up the sport of ping pong!

I am currently in Florida, with a terrific group of very active folks who help each other improve all these abilities, six days a week.

EXERCISE:

Where do you have a sincere desire to improve a particular skill?

Who are the people who challenge and stretch you beyond your current capabilities?

How can and will you make the time to associate with these people more often?

When you live on a round planet, there is no choosing sides

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“When you live on a round planet, there is no choosing sides.”

—Dr. Wayne Dyer, late American self-help author and motivational speaker

Image from Unsplash by gebhartyler

The health of our planet and therefore ourselves depends on many factors.

Astronauts speaking from their experience in space say there are no lines separating us like on our maps. Our air, water, and even the network of fungi below the surface of our world connects us in ways we don’t always recognize.

Within the past century or so, man’s use and often abuse of this planet’s resources have created an increasingly urgent cascade of climate and environmental issues that are affecting us all.

EXERCISE:

Where do you find yourself taking sides in your various communities?

What can you do to help them come together to make things better for everyone?

Consider listening to the 2010 song “We are the World” as a good reminder that we are all in this together.

Please read The Carbon Almanac and help carry its information and message of hope to others.

If you enjoy fiction you may also want to check out The Ministry for the Future by Kim Stanley Robinson.

People may hear your words but they feel your attitude

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“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.”

—John Maxwell, New York Times bestselling author, coach and speaker

Image from Unsplash by Frame Harris

In many ways all living things—including ourselves—are like machines.

We run on fuel and generate billions of electrical impulses each second. Even when we examine ourselves on an atomic level, electric and magnetic fields are constantly flowing.

When two particles—and in the case of today’s quote two people—interact, the energy fields between them can fluctuate.

Words alone compared to words with a positive attitude can be felt, and an experience of alignment and resonance can be experienced.

EXERCISE:

How and in what ways can and do you generate the feelings of excitement and engagement in others?

How do the people you know use their positive attitudes to offer you their magnetic personalities to engage your deepest listening?

It takes two people to create a pattern, but only one to change it.

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“It takes two people to create a pattern, but only one to change it.”

—Esther Perel, Belgian psychotherapist

Image from Vecteezy.com

Take a few minutes today to do a relationship review.

Closely examine the health of your most significant personal and professional interactions.

What word or phrase would describe the pattern of these engagements?

Where do you experience difficulties getting along and find yourself judging and being critical of others?

Most of us would love — from time to time — to have a magic wand to wave over others, to have them think and behave as we’d like.

Although we have no such power over anyone else, we do have the magic touch when it comes to our own ability to change ourselves.

EXERCISE:

Display Tuli Kupferberg’s quote, “When patterns are broken new world will emerge” in a well-trafficked place in your life.

What patterns can and will you break to have a new world of more successful relationships emerge?

“I wish getting along with people was as simple as enjoying their food.”

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“I wish getting along with people was as simple as enjoying their food.”

—Valerie Bertinelli, Award-winning American actress

Image from Unsplash by Mae Mu

Consider the importance of food in your life. Chow down on this topic to examine how much it influences us beyond providing the nutrients to keep us alive.

How does food compare to the other essentials of water and air? What are the sensory experiences of each and how much pleasure and enjoyment do they offer? Food — and our rituals around it — provide us so much more than fulfilling a biologic need.

Although we sometimes find ourselves standing at the fridge eating alone, we most often seek out the company of others to deepen our bonds and create community. It is these bonds that we all need desperately to truly thrive.

EXERCISE:

When was the last time you attended a pot luck dinner where everyone brought a favorite dish to share? Consider hosting such a gathering in the coming weeks. I hope you enjoy many delicious dishes and the people that brought them!