Category Archives: Relationships

“Ask yourself: Does the job touch my heart and feed my soul?”

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“Ask yourself: Does the job touch my heart and feed my soul? You will never be what you were meant to be if you aren’t having fun.”

—Suzy Welch, American Author, television commentator, and business journalist

Image from Unsplash by Atlas Green

If you light up on Friday and dread Monday, today’s quote is meant for you. Take heart in that 65-75% of the working world is in the same boat.

For dramatic purposes, that form of regret or stress can represent about 25 years of life, if you include a bit of traffic on your daily commute.

To what degree is this way too high a price to pay?

Beyond family and friends, how we spend our days and who we spend them with makes up far too much of our lives to have it not touch our hearts and feed our souls.

EXERCISE:

What significant, courageous, and of course, fun changes can and will you take to more fully realize that time is the coin of life?

“When people are like each other, they tend to like each other.”

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“When people are like each other, they tend to like each other.”

—Tony Robbins, American author, philanthropist and life coach

Image of Jane Goodall and a chimp

Image from the Jane Goodall Collection

Did you know that humans and chimpanzees share about 96 percent of the same DNA? Perhaps this is why we enjoy documentaries on these special creatures. When we observe them, we see numerous ways we are alike, such as in the care and nurturing of baby chimps.

Regarding human-to-human interactions, we often operate out of the Birds of a Feather Flock Together idea. At the same time, we can be very focused on where and how we differ as reasons to avoid, dislike, and even hate one another.

EXERCISE:

How would looking for the similarities and common characteristics and traits of others be the source of more friendships and closer communities in your world?

“When someone asks for a glass of water, don’t hose them down.”

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“When someone asks for a glass of water, don’t hose them down.”

—Author Unknown

Image from Unsplash by Manu Schwendener

Who doesn’t enjoy it when people take an interest in us? After all, we are being given a chance to talk about our favorite subject – ourselves.

Questions such as, How are you?, What’s going on?, and even What’s up? can sometimes lead to a torrent of information well beyond a quick update.

A little secret to fostering better relationships can be summaries in six simple words:

More of Others Less of You

EXERCISE:

To what degree do you hose people down when they ask you for your thoughts on a particular topic?

Consider using and sharing the code W.A.I.T. with those close to you – it stands for Why Am I Talking?

If you must speak ill of another

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“If you must speak ill of another, do not speak it. Write it in the sand near the water’s edge.”

—Napoleon Hill, 20th Century American self-help Author

Image of "Time" written in the sand

Image from designtuts

Holding one’s tongue is pretty difficult to do, literally and figuratively. In both cases, it can be slippery and make you look bad, or at least silly.

Awareness of our inner voices can provide a few seconds of buffer time before we put those views or opinions on an external speaker. In many cases, prevention is definitely worth a pound of cure.

The same is often true for e-mail and especially texting, given the rapid turn-around on these forms of communication.

EXERCISE:

Where would waiting and allowing more time to pass before you speak or communicate through the written word enhance and improve your personal and professional relationships?

I’ve been afraid of people playing their life away with too many toys

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“I’ve been afraid of people playing their life away with too many toys.”

—Ray Bradbury, late American author and screenwriter

Image of two toddlers playing with a computer

Image from Unsplash by Jelleke Vanooteghem

Take a trip down Memory Lane and look at the toys you played with as a child. For me, the top three were a used sled for winter, a banana-seat bike for the rest of the year, and of course, a pimple ball for all sorts of games we would invent.

I vividly recall that before the age when I could venture out with friends, my mom would give me a bucket of water and an old paint brush. I would express my artistic talents on the sidewalk before the summer sun erased all traces of my work. It was like an Etch-a-Sketch without the cost!

Fast forward to today and look at the toys you and your children or grandchildren play with. How many are digital? How many can be and are often used alone, instead of with friends or family?

EXERCISE:

Where would taking more of a “The Best Things in Life are not Things” approach help you lead a simpler and more satisfying life?

Don’t close the book when bad things happen

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“Don’t close the book when bad things happen in your life. Just turn the page and begin a new chapter.”

—Author Unknown

Image of a page-turning book

Image from Unsplash by socialcut

Did you know that the average Social Security payout for retirees is just 29 months?

Although most of us think of retirement as our “Golden Years,” and while we continue to hear of all sorts of fantastic new medical breakthroughs to extend the quality and length of life, this statistic is shocking. But it improves considerably when three critical factors are present:

  • Friends, family, community
  • Financial stability – a nest egg
  • A future-oriented mindset

The level of engagement and overall life purpose can diminish with retirement. Retirees  often find much less meaning in life and a reason to get up in the morning when their vocational years are over.

EXERCISE:

What relational, financial, and mindset factors can and will you put in place to keep writing each new exciting chapter in your life for many more healthy, and happy years to come?

We are mere journeymen

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“We are mere journeymen, planting seeds for someone else to harvest.”

—Wallace Thurman, 20th Century African-American Novelist

Image of two men in a wheat field

Image from Unsplash by Warren Wong

For virtually all people alive today, the standard of living and the quality of life has improved exponentially over the past few decades, and particularly in the last two centuries.

If you have ever interviewed your parents, grandparents, or even looked back over your own life, things have improved in countless ways.

Consider the idea that all the people known and unknown to you have been farmers planting and cultivating the seeds we all get to harvest each day.

EXERCISE:

Who in your world can and will you thank and acknowledge for all the abundance we experience today?

Where and how are you currently planting the seeds of a better world to benefit the lives of other’s for future generations?

In every man there is something

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“In every man there is something wherein I may learn of him, and in that I am his pupil.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson, 19th Century American essayist and poet

Image of two people talking at a business meeting

Image from Unsplash by raw pixel

There is a wise saying about the fact that we have one mouth and two ears, and should use them proportionately.

For most of us, coaching, teaching, advising, and mentoring others, although with good intentions, plays into the fact that we often prefer to be interesting rather than interested.

Consider yourself an explorer or a miner looking for the gold in “them thar’ hills.” To reap such riches, the only tools you would need would be an open set of eyes, ears, and of course, an open mind.

EXERCISE:

In what area of your life is it far more important to be the pupil rather than the teacher?

What is it that you most wish to learn to support either your personal or professional life?

Who are the specific teachers in your world that hold the wisdom you seek?

A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows

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“A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows.”

—St. Francis of Assisi

Image of a sunbeam coming through a tree

Image from Unsplash by Darren Bockman

Who are the people in your world that light up your life?

Take a minute or more to make a list of these special people, and note the qualities and characteristics they exhibit that caused you to put them on your list.

On the flip side, note the individuals in your personal and professional communities that cast shadows over your world and reduce your aliveness and life satisfaction. What are their specific behaviors and attitudes that cloud your world?

EXERCISE:

Beyond spending far more time with the first group and less with the second, how can and will you personally bring more sunshine to those around you, for the benefit of all?

This effort will almost certainly attract many more sunbeams from others who also desire brighter days.

One aspect of a successful relationship

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“One aspect of a successful relationship is not just how compatible you are, but how you deal with your incompatibility.”

—Daniel Goleman, Founder of the Emotional Intelligence Movement

Image of an older couple sitting on a bench overlooking the ocean

Image from Unsplash by James Hose Jr.

Did you know that in western cultures, over 90 percent of people marry? Healthy marriages are good for the couple, and for their children. Unfortunately, 40-50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and the divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.

During the courting/dating phase of a relationship, compatibility is a key element to the initial connection. Over time, partners begin seeing aspects of one another they were a bit blind to during the “show only your best side” phase.

Goleman and other experts on successful marriage point to numerous success factors – see the list below – that help marriage stand the test of time.

  • Respecting each other’s differences
  • Sharing common values
  • Open and honest communication
  • Being fair and respectful
  • Having a sense of humor
  • Demonstrating appreciation and gratitude
  • Honesty and integrity
  • Sensitivity, compassion, empathy
  • Seeing your marriage as a partnership and working as a team
  • Forgiveness for your partner and yourself

EXERCISE:

On this Valentine’s Day, consider having a discussion with your partner regarding this list. What efforts can and will you take to make your relationship more successful and fulfilling?