Make yourself worth knowing

Posted on November 24, 2015 by Barry

“Don’t worry so much about knowing the right people. Just make yourself worth knowing.”

–Author Unknown

A number of years ago I read a book by Dr. Wayne Baker from the University of Michigan titled Achieving Success Through Social Capital. A key take-away from this well-researched book was that, without question, relationships are valuable.

We have all heard phrases such as, It’s not what you know, but who you know, that counts, pointing to the power of being connected to these centers of influence and super-connectors. One challenge with the advent of social media and the huge demands it puts on our time is that getting to know the “right people” can be difficult.

Today’s quote suggest that instead of the old push or pursuit strategy to meet these individuals, we instead work on ourselves to attract and pull people to us and the value they perceive we provide.

EXERCISE:

What one or two qualities or abilities could you more fully develop in yourself to make yourself an even more desirable person worth knowing?

“Life always offers you…”

Posted on October 23, 2015 by Barry

“Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called ‘tomorrow.’”

-Author Unknown

image from xoombi.com

I’d like you to consider reading today’s quote twice.

Consider for the moment that today is one of the most important days of your life. Everyone important to you watches intently as you give it your all. If you are also a spiritual or faith-based person, know that your “higher power” is paying close attention as well.

Fast forward to the end of the day. Review the quote again and reflect on how you lived your day and the difference you made. Answer the question in today’s exercise before you head off to sleep.

EXERCISE:

What second-chance efforts will I make tomorrow, based on what I discovered and learned today?

“Respect yourself enough to walk away…”

Posted on September 23, 2015 by Barry

“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.”

-Robert Tew, Australian, Chairman at Newcastle Knights Limited

Image from Flickr by Oleg Sidorenko

Today’s quote is a pretty good barometer for progressing in life. Mr. Tew calls on us to fully open our eyes and hearts to determine what is and is not working at this point in time.

Take the opportunity to dig deeply into the ideas of service, growth, and happiness to not take the simple way out of your evolving self. Then, and only, then, make a beeline for the door!

EXERCISE:

Where in your personal or professional life is it time to walk away from certain people, events, or circumstances, in order to gain greater self-respect?

“Don’t let anyone rent…”

Posted on September 9, 2015 by Barry

“Don’t let anyone rent a space in your head, unless they’re a good tenant.”

—Author Unknown

image from runningisfunny.com

Self-talk is a powerful thing.

It can inspire us to achieve greatness or stop us in our tracks and affect all aspects of our lives.

Where and when did you first notice your own internal monologues? Who in your past or present life is responsible for this programming?

EXERCISE:

What negative voices have taken residence in your head? How can you begin the eviction process, put up the “for rent” sign, and encourage a more supportive and empowering tenant?

“Being entirely honest with…”

Posted on August 26, 2015 by Barry

“Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.”

—Sigmund Freud, Austrian neurologist and the father of psychoanalysis

Photo from imgkid.com

Coaches are frequently asked, “What is the difference between coaching, counseling, and therapy?”

A thirty-second post would never do justice to this question. In today’s quote, Freud points to the value and usefulness of creating greater self-awareness, which is a component of each of the three supporting professions.

EXERCISE:

How would greater self-awareness and honesty serve you today?

“When you stay away from your soul…”

Posted on June 15, 2015 by Barry

“When you stay away from your soul the distance you have traveled is measured by the aching of your heart.”

-Dodinsky, author of “In the Garden of Thoughts”

Image from BeautifulRumi.com

On a scale of one to ten, how well do you live consistently with the phrase, “To thine own self be true”? If you score high in this attribute, my guess is that you experience great personal power and life satisfaction. If you score yourself considerably lower, I’d expect you may feel and experience an aching loss of power and fulfillment.

EXERCISE:

Consider completing the Life Vision Exercise, and consider sending me your personal Top Ten list. Rate yourself on the same one-to-ten scale with regard to how consistently you express these values in both your professional and personal communities. Determine what new and different actions are required to heal your aching heart, to experience the full soulful power within in.

The Life Vision Exercise

List your top 20 – 30 core values.

Cut this list in half, and then in half again, to get to the real core.
Next, create a life vision statement, using all of the final list and perhaps most of the second list of values.
Wordsmith this vision until you feel it is 100% you.
Now use your vision statement as the context to inspire your actions in every area of your life: it can help you become happier and more fulfilled.

“The Biggest Room…”

Posted on May 11, 2015 by Barry

“The biggest room in my house is the room for improvement.”

—Irma Givens, Detroit-area Communications Specialist

Photo from Flicrk by Phil King

Imagine that you have a second career as an interior designer or architect. Instead of building materials, paints, fabrics, and furniture, you have other tools to beautify your “room for improvement.”

One of my favorite exercises I use with clients to support their personal development planning is having them describe their best future self. As a starting point, I have them examine the qualities and positive characteristics of the people they most respect and admire. They also have the opportunity to take an objective view of themselves regarding the personal habits or behaviors that hold them back from being their best.

EXERCISE:

Consider developing your own “personal improvement plan,” and give yourself plenty of room for this growth. Select a growth partner, mentor, coach, or other supportive person who will encourage you, and even hold your feet to the fire to help you be your best future self. You, in turn, can be a coach and support partner for them.

“Sometimes your only available…”

Posted on May 6, 2015 by Barry

“Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith.”

—Margaret Louisa Vanderbilt Shepard, 20th Century American Heiress

Photo from Flickr by Common Ground Adventures

Helping high-integrity, growth oriented individuals pursue and realize their vision of life excellence is my passion.

This special coaching partnership with each individual includes many aspects, which can be summarized in a three step process, which I call a “Pivot.”

Assessing the client’s current situation, including emotions, feelings, and of course, objective evidence of what is and isn’t working.
Determining their preferred view of the future – where they wish to be at some point down the road – professionally and personally.
Exploring, choosing, and taking committed actions to move from their current reality toward their vision.

EXERCISE:

If you happen to not be progressing sufficiently toward your desired goals, or if you perhaps feel stopped entirely, take the leap to secure a coach or other supportive individual. Find someone who can help you “pivot” to continually and faithfully leap each and every day toward the life you deeply desire.

“My life needs editing.”

Posted on April 7, 2015 by Barry

“My life needs editing.”

—Mort Sahl, Canadian-born American comedian and actor

Photo from Flickr by Matt Hampel

Have you ever considered writing your autobiography?

If you did, how many people would lay down some cash to buy it? What if you handed out copies for free? How many people would spend the time to read it?

If your answers fall short of producing a best seller, perhaps your life—at least the life still ahead of you—could use a bit of editing.

EXERCISE:

Examine the lives of those you respect and admire as a place to begin writing and living the next chapter of your life. Make sure you use your most playful, adventurous, and creative thinking to build on and expand on the good things you see.

You can also do a bit of editing on the life you have already lived. One simple way to do this is to replace all setbacks and failures in the light of lessons learned.

Feel free to reply to the post with any thoughts and insights that come up for you.

“Liberate yourself from the need to be right.”

Posted on February 13, 2015 by Barry

“Liberate yourself from the need to be right.”

-Seth Godin, in “Unleashing the Ideavirus”

Photo from Flickr by Jamison Wieser

Have you ever been in a prison? I hope not. Freedom, and the desire for it, is a fundamental value shared by people throughout the world. Unfortunately, many of us are trapped to some degree in self-generated prisons.

In today’s quote, Seth Godin says the need to be right, and thus making others wrong, imprisons us in a world of judgement and dysfunctional relationships at work, at home, and within our communities. You’ve probably heard the phrases, “Dead Right,” or “Dead Wrong” applied to people in your world. Just watch the evening news to see how this thinking has generated some of the domestic and global issues facing us today.

What I observe personally and professionally is that these behaviors exact a very high price in our relationships and our organizations.

EXERCISE:

Consider the following questions as you go through your day, with the intent of liberating yourself from the insatiable need to be “right”:

What is my inner voice saying about the situation I’m facing?
Are my thoughts supportive or critical?
How open and receptive am I to what others are saying?
What value or goodness can I find in their words?

By diligently applying this exercise, and agreeing to bring these practices to others in your world, you can virtually guarantee yourself a new level of life satisfaction.