Category Archives: Success

Build a life for yourself that doesn’t require validation from others.

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Build a life for yourself that doesn’t require validation from others.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Giulia Bertelli

From the time we are born we seek validation from others.

Getting what we want from parents, teachers, friends, and work colleagues seems to be the key to opening the doors of successful living.

Beyond the nods, smiles, gold stars, and promotions some of us still find our lives lacking.

No matter how many fans we have, the search for more often continues.

How we measure our lives and know when enough is enough can be a very elusive quest.

EXERCISE:

In what ways can you apply more of your own views of your life as the primary validation needed to see yourself as a success?

With continuous practice and focus you are bound to be successful

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With continuous practice and focus you are bound to be successful.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Jeffrey F Lin

Prospective coaching clients frequently ask about the success rate of my client engagements.

Many people focus on the coach and the coaching process, and fail to look at their own role in the process of achievement.

As far as I know, coaches and their clipboards must remain on the sidelines.

Although we often point our fingers toward outside sources of success, it always comes down to the athlete or team’s talent, focus, and continuous practice that leads to putting points on the board in both sports and in life.

EXERCISE:

How focused are you in your personal and professional pursuits?

At what level do you strive and persist in your efforts to master your game or your craft?

How do you and will you recognize and acknowledge how far you’ve come and see the signs of success along the way?

You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward

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“You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.”

—James Thurber, 20th century American cartoonist, humorist, and playwright

Image from Unsplash by Vitolda Klein

Today’s quote offers us alternative ways to fall flat in life.

The first choice involves being a leader in our own life and charting our own course through the world.

The second involves the impossible task of always trying to please others.

In the first case we get to pick ourselves up and start over whenever we wish. In the second, our backs never seem to straighten and it can eventually break you.

EXERCISE:

How often do you find yourself bending backwards to please others?

Where would listening to your inner voice and forging forward be a better approach for successful living no matter how many times you fall?

Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor

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“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”

—Truman Capote, 20th Century American novelist, playwright and actor

Image from Unsplash by the blowup

Wendy and I recently spent a week in Florida to help celebrate one of our dear friend’s 90th birthday. This special lady is only four feet eight inches tall and probably weighs only a bit more than my five-year-old grandson.

During our time together, I had numerous chances to discuss some of her challenging life events and pivotal moments that helped shape who she is.

It is often said that good things come in small packages—in her case, I’m sure that her keen wit, energy and enthusiastic love of life had folks come from near and far to celebrate her flavorful life!

EXERCISE:

How would a shift from seeing failure as a bitter pill to a tasty condiment give your life more flavor to savor in the years ahead?

 

Deconstruct the cool things you see

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“Deconstruct the cool things you see… Don’t just taste the recipe, look for the ingredients.”

—James Clear, Author of Atomic Habits

Image from Unsplash by Gareth Hubbard

I consider myself a better than average cook, and can whip up something tasty from my fridge and cupboard on most days. I have a modest number of go-to dishes, and find myself using the same ingredients and seasonings over and over.

A few weeks ago, while waiting during a doctor visit, I found myself captivated by a cooking show called The Kitchen.  Watching the masterful chefs and celebrity cooks create simple and tasty dishes with ingredients I have on hand — and never considered using — was a breakthrough in my thinking.

EXERCISE:

What would be the benefit of deconstructing other aspects of life besides what’s for dinner?

What are the ingredients you can use to whip up better relationships, career success, and a healthier, more meaningful life?

If there was no money, and everything depended on your moral standards

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“If there was no money, and everything depended on your moral standards, the way that you behave, and the way you treated people, how would you be doing in life?”

—Tupac Shakur, 20th Century American rapper and actor

Image from Unsplash by Markus Spike

Money and possessions are a primary way many of us measure our success and status.

Who are the people at the top in your various professional and personal communities?

What are their extrinsic and intrinsic measures of excellence and achievement?

How do you measure yourself against these people?

How often do you use good character and high moral standards as benchmarks for a meaningful life?

EXERCISE:

If you were to eliminate all external evidence of success how well would you be doing?

Create a list of 5-10 people in your life that model the moral standards and behaviors you most admire.

Do your best to spend additional time with these folks and let their example help you up your game.

 

“A crown, if it hurts us, is not worth wearing.”

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“A crown, if it hurts us, is not worth wearing.”

—Pearl Bailey, 20th century American actress, singer and author

Image from Unsplash by Nathan Mcgregor

What are the ways that you and others measure success?

How do you keep score to know if you are winning?

How near or far are you from being king or queen of the hill?

Status is one way people measure themselves and others. Think about the business world, entertainment, sports, politics, the military, social media, and other areas of life in which people compare and contrast where they stand.

Where have you noticed or personally experiences the pain of personal and professional status?

EXERCISE:

Where does wearing the crown of status present a cost far too high to pay?

“The moment of victory is much too short to live for that and nothing else.”

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“The moment of victory is much too short to live for that and nothing else.”

—Martina Navratilova, Czech-American professional tennis legend

Image from Unsplash by Keith Luke

Take at least five minutes today to reflect on all you have accomplished so far in your life. Examine your victories and significant successes closely to see what came before the wins and what happened afterward.

To what degree did you learn, grow, and enjoy the journeys that took you to these summits? How sustainable was the afterglow and how much momentum remained weeks, months, and perhaps years later?

EXERCISE:

Who are the people and what are the things that make your life most rewarding and meaningful?

What shifts in perspective would help you see far more of these moments as a series of continuous victories available each and every day?

“If you have achieved any level of success then pour it into someone else. Success is not success without a successor.”

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“If you have achieved any level of success then pour it into someone else. Success is not success without a successor.”

—T.D. Jakes, American author and filmmaker

Image from Unsplash by Reuben Juarez

Who are the people in your personal and professional life that helped you get where you are today?

When I was in my mid 30s, I participated in a year-long seminar called the Wisdom Course. Among the various assignments given was the goal to create a visual and written autobiography of my life.

Beyond going through tons of family photos and a yearbook or two, we were challenged to reach out to many of these individuals to acknowledge their significant influences and acts of generosity.

EXERCISE:

How have you paid forward life lessons with family, friends, and colleagues?

With whom can and will you generously offer your coaching and support to help them be all they can be?

Don’t be surprised when your own success and satisfaction get a boost of momentum from the law of “Givers Gain.”

“Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your heart.”

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“Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your heart.”

—Ziad K. Abdelnour, Lebanese-American Activist

Image from Unsplash by Langa Hlatshwayo

Using our head and our heart to make wise decisions and navigate life is good counsel. How often do you use this dynamic duo to evaluate the options and opportunities that present themselves at home and at work?

If you are fortunate to have achieved significant levels of personal and professional success, where may you have experienced a heightened sense of importance and a bit of a swelled head?

Alternatively, where have you experienced setbacks, stumbles, or thwarted intentions? Where have these difficulties penetrated to your heart, leaving you with doubts and disappointments?

EXERCISE:

Please take a listen to the Tim McGraw song, “Humble and Kind.” Let me know what you think or how it makes you feel by replying to this post.