What You Want Most

Posted on December 14, 2015 by Barry

“Don’t give up what you want the most for what you want right now.”

-attributed to Peter Rossomando, Head Football Coach at CCSU

Image from wtvr.com

A characteristic shared by many of the most successful people is their ability to delay gratification in order to achieve their most highly desired objectives.

In the late 60s/early 70s Stanford University psychologist Walter Mischel did a study in which children ages four to six were given the choice between one marshmallow provided immediately, or two marshmallows if they waited for 15 minutes. In follow-up studies, the researchers found that those who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes.

EXERCISE:

What disciplined actions, behaviors, and habits must you develop in order to resist short-term wants so that you can realize your most cherished and valued priorities?

Everyone you meet

Posted on December 11, 2015 by Barry

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”

-Wendy Mass, Author

Image from flickr by Jennifer

One of the great honors of being a coach is the fact that people open up far more completely than in your typical daily discussions. It is not uncommon for clients to share some of their most difficult and challenging issues, because they realize a greater likelihood of progress is possible when they acknowledge their difficulties.

My experience of over 20 years and well over 1,000 clients points to the fact that virtually everyone has battles and burdens.

EXERCISE:

How would bringing greater kindness and compassion to your interactions today bring greater strength and capacities to those around you, who are fighting battles of which you are not aware?

Be a Zapper

Posted on December 10, 2015 by Barry

“Be a Zapper, not a Sapper!”

—William Byham, Ph.D.

QC #922

Over my many years of coaching, I’ve found that the more simple an idea or behavior is, the more likely it is to be understood, applied, and habituated. When it comes to relationship development and creating empowering successful organizational cultures, today’s quote packs a ton of value in only six words.

The act of Zapping involves interaction with others in an energizing and positive manner. Examples are:

Being genuinely interested in others
Listening carefully and completely to what others are saying
Being open and receptive to the point of view of others
Looking for value in what others say and do
Saying Please and Thank You
Acknowledging the contribution of others

The act of Sapping involves the opposite behavior, in which others experience draining and energy-reducing interactions. Examples are:

Being judgmental and critical of others’ ideas and behaviors
Not listening to others, or ignoring them
Taking credit for others ideas or achievements
Interrupting, or not allowing others to express their views
Gossiping
Betrayal of confidences
Lying or being unethical

EXERCISE:

Create a Zapping/Sapping log book in which you can capture these daily energy boosters or drainers.

Request feedback from those around you. Work to increase your Zapping, and reduce your Sapping.

Consider picking up a copy of Zapp! The Lightning of Empowerment by William Byham, and consider sharing this resource with others in your communities.

Seminar in a Sentence

Posted on December 9, 2015 by Barry

“A quote can be a seminar in a sentence.”

-Author Unknown

QC #921

About a year ago, I published my first book, based on the Quotable Coach series. It was subtitled “daily nuggets of practical wisdom,” based on the votes and recommendations of our loyal readers.

In our time-crunched lives, the idea of getting a seminar in a sentence has a great deal of appeal to many. I am pleased to report that we now receive over 6,000 monthly hits on the Quotable Coach website, and have well over 1,500 daily subscribers worldwide, because of kind readers like you.

EXERCISE:

Please reply to this post with your favorite “seminar in a sentence,” and feel free to share its value and importance in your life.

Consider purchasing a copy of The Quotable Coach book for yourself or as a holiday gift to others. Thank You!

Look for Rainbows

Posted on December 8, 2015 by Barry

“When it rains, look for rainbows. When it’s dark, look for stars.”

-Author Unknown

photo from Flickr by Matthew Paulson

I often recommend Six Thinking Hats by Edward Debono to my coaching clients. This book can help them become more effective and successful in their personal and professional communities.

Based on today’s quote, the rain and the dark would represent the wearing of a black hat, which points to the negative, and why things are not working.

Wearing a yellow hat, which is represented by the rainbows and stars, points to the positive, optimistic, and constructive perspective relative to one’s circumstances.

Looking for and perceiving the good and workable possibilities in things is without question a skill that will bring you far greater results and life satisfaction than walking around in the dark, all wet.

EXERCISE:

Share this post with one person in your professional and personal worlds. Ask them for feedback regarding how often — or not — you look for the beauty of the rainbows and stars above. If they are open to your coaching, you may offer your view of which hats they wear, as well.

A Better Way

Posted on December 1, 2015 by Barry

“There has got to be a better way.”

—Steve Jobs, late CEO of Apple, Inc.

Image from openculture.com

My wife and I recently saw the new Steve Jobs movie. Regardless of your views about him as a person, he sure did exemplify today’s quote, and the Apple mantra of “Think Different.”

Perhaps much of the controversy about his life and leadership style was about how he always pushed the limits of what was possible, which sometimes involved pushing many of those around him out of their comfort zones.

Throughout my coaching career, I have encouraged my clients each and every day to be prepared to break their current patterns if they want new worlds to emerge.

To do otherwise would be insane.

EXERCISE:

Where in your personal or professional world would embracing a “There has got to be a better way” philosophy actually make things better?

Build a Bridge

Posted on November 25, 2015 by Barry

“Cry a river, build a bridge, get over it.”

—Author Unknown

Image from landscapesofunderstanding.com

For most people I work with as a coach, life is difficult, challenging, and often upsetting from time to time. Some are so stuck or stopped that they can hardly see any path forward.

During these times, feelings run high and the “emotional tension” they experience as part of their current reality must be acknowledged fully so they can cry the rivers that are appropriate. Only then can they collect themselves to realize that life goes on. Building bridges to the future is now the job at hand, to realize their resolve and get on the other side of life’s barriers and obstacles.

EXERCISE:

How can you fully acknowledge and experience all the emotions associated with some of your most significant challenges? How can you use that wisdom to garner the strength and capacities to build bridges and get over situations on your life journey?

Learning to Overlook

Posted on November 20, 2015 by Barry

“Wisdom is learning what to overlook.”

—William James, American philosopher and psychologist

The first book I ever read by Robin Sharma was The Monk who Sold His Ferrari. It is an amusing and insightful story of a hard-driving attorney, determined to win every case and annihilate his opposition while he reaps the material rewards of success. As you may guess from the title, he experiences various life events that literally stop him in his tracks, and had him re-evaluate his life from a new perspective. He begins to seek a life of greater meaning and significance.

EXERCISE:

What issues, obstacles, life complexities, and other barriers are you facing that would be better overlooked?

Better to be a lion

Posted on November 19, 2015 by Barry

“It is better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.”

-Elizabeth Kenny, unaccredited 20th Century Australian nurse

Image from Flickr by Tambako the Jaguar

Take an inventory of your life’s greatest moments—the ones where you did or were part of something remarkable, noteworthy, and of course, memorable. What were you doing at the time? I would guess that on many of these occasions you were reaching for some goal, striving for something you desired, or operating beyond your comfort zone inspired by a high-priority commitment.

Rarely do great accomplishments occur when we simply move day-to-day, grazing on the same grasses of our personal or professional worlds.

EXERCISE:

How and in what ways can you rally your inner lion to courageously roar, chase, and pounce on the successes you desire?

Patience

Posted on November 17, 2015 by Barry

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.”

—Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, lecturer, and poet

Image from heyjamie.com

What is the current pace of your life? If you are like many, it’s busy, rushed, in overdrive, or even hyper-drive. You may find yourself eating fast or convenience foods on the run, skipping meals altogether, or getting a boost from coffee and caffeinated energy drinks. Or just as damaging, you may be missing out on the rest and exercise your body needs to reach and maintain optimal health.

What results would be possible if you took a more patient approach to life and your top priorities? What items on your to-do list could you reduce or eliminate, to make room for a more patient and peaceful flow in your life?

EXERCISE:

What steps can and will you take to achieve a more natural and patient pace throughout your day?

How can you make this practice a daily habit?

A new book that will definitely help you progress in these areas is On Target Living, by Chris Johnson.