Tag Archives: Relationships

“You are under no obligation to be the same person you were five minutes ago.”

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“You are under no obligation to be the same person you were five minutes ago.”

—Alan Watts, 20th Century British/American writer, speaker, philosopher

Image from Unsplash by Richard Burton

We recently attended a good friend’s 90th birthday party. The big event included about 75 close friends and family from far and wide. Besides children, grandchildren, and a few members of the younger generation, the majority of attendees were well into their senior years.

Along with a delicious buffet, they had a DJ playing tunes from the past, and a photo montage of our friend from the days of his youth until today.  It was remarkable to see how he and most of the audience remembered every word to these songs and to see how in many ways he continued to evolve during the milestone moments of his life. We have already been invited to his 100th celebration, in which — I am sure — he will be an even more remarkable guy than today!

EXERCISE:

In what ways do you continue to learn, grow, and evolve with each passing day? How can you be an even more intentional work in progress as you step into the future you?

“Does the other person want to be helped, hugged, or heard?”

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“Does the other person want to be helped, hugged, or heard?”

—Charles Duhigg, American journalist and non-fiction author

Image from Unsplash by Justin Follis

This quote was brought to my attention by Rohan Rajiv, who has been writing the wonderful daily blog “A Learning a Day” for over 16 years.

Since most of us are in conversations throughout our days, I found this question to be an excellent framework to enhance my many relationships — including in my work as a coach.

If we determine that an individual is seeking to be helped, they are most likely seeking advice and solutions to specific problems with concrete actions.

The people in our lives looking for hugs emphasize the desire for social connections, validation, and sense of love and belonging.

Although we all like to be heard, these folks in particular have a strong need to be understood and want to be supported emotionally without being offered direct advice and solutions.

EXERCISE:

In what ways can you keep Duhigg’s question in mind as you interact with the people in your professional and personal communities? How clear are you about your own wants and needs to be helped, hugged, and heard?

“Innovation happens not within but between brains.”

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“Innovation happens not within but between brains.”

—Matt Ridley, British science writer, journalist and businessman

Image from Unsplash by Brooke Cagle

Today’s quote encapsulates Ridley’s views on collective intelligence and the collaborative nature of innovation. It emphasizes that innovation is not primarily the result of individual genius, but rather a product of human interaction and the exchange of ideas.

How often do you find yourself working alone, wracking your brain to solve a particular problem?

How frequently do you feel that if you seek or accept assistance from others your achievements are less worthy of recognition?

EXERCISE:

Where and how can you tap into many more brains within your personal and professional communities to accomplish far more than going it alone?  Remember that even the Lone Ranger had Tonto!

Some people are worth melting for

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“Some people are worth melting for.”

—Olaf, in the film Frozen

Image from Unsplash by Miriam Gilles

Here in the Northeastern United States there is always the potential for a bit or bunch of the white stuff as we enter the winter months.

If you happen to enjoy holiday movies you may have seen one of my family’s favorites: Frosty the Snowman. There is a particular scene where Frosty shows his wiliness to melt. He enters a greenhouse to save his friend Karen from freezing, to demonstrate his love and his willingness to sacrifice everything for her.

EXERCISE:

Who are the people in your life worth melting for? How does realizing the importance of these people give your life greater meaning and purpose?

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

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“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

—Marcel Proust, 20th century French novelist, literary critic, and essayist

Image from Unsplash by Megan Watson

Many cultures around the world celebrate holidays that share similarities with the American Thanksgiving, focusing on themes of gratitude, harvest, and family gatherings.

  • In South Korea it’s called Chuseok
  • In Ghana it’s called Homowu
  • In Germany it’s called Erntedankfest
  • In Barbados it’s called The Crop Over Festival
  • In Japan it’s called Kinro Kausha Nohi

Regardless of where we are in the world, to reap a harvest requires the planting of seeds and tending to the land.

To have bountiful relationships with family and friends it’s important to show gratitude to the charming gardeners in our lives that feed us in both body and soul.

EXERCISE:

Who are the charming gardeners in your world, and how will you demonstrate your gratitude for the happiness and joy they bring to your life this Thanksgiving Day and throughout the holiday season?

 

“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.”

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“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.”

—Audrey Hepburn, 20th Century British Actress

Image from Unsplash by Susan G. Kamen 3-day

In the wake of October’s hurricanes, many people have lost everything — including loved ones.

When some of these individuals are interviewed about the devastation many still remain positive and grateful
to be alive and get right to work helping their neighbors and others in their communities.

Although these forces of nature can sweep away and destroy many things, it’s heartwarming to realize that the best things in life are not things.

EXERCISE:

How do you demonstrate to your loved ones that they are the most precious gifts in your life?

Take a plunge into your senses

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Take a plunge into your senses. Note what you are seeing, feeling, hearing, tasting, and hearing. What is the present moment offering you to experience more fully?

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Aaron Burden

Autumn is a perfect time to plunge into your senses. It’s not too hot or too cold to get outside and appreciate mother nature in all her glory.

Consider taking a walk outside at different times of the day from before dawn to after dusk to experience all the sights, sounds, and sensations available.

Be sure to leave your phone at home and consider traveling alone at a leisurely pace to take in and savor all the wonders many of us often rush past.

Make a few stops along your way to turn around and look up and down so as to not miss out on the show the world is always offering.

EXERCISE:

Share your adventure with someone close to you and consider taking them along on your next sensory outing to offer them a taste of the gift you just received!

Notice and embrace the complexity of your humanness

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Notice and embrace the complexity of your humanness. Let everything be as it is. It makes you interesting.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Joseph Malone

How often do you find yourself puzzled by the people in your life? Look over the spectrum of folks from young to old in your communities.

What makes each of them tick? Isn’t it interesting — once we think we know — when they surprise us by going in another direction?

Instead of trying to put these people puzzles together and have things fit into our own world view, perhaps we can simply be happy to have others in our life to keep us on our toes.

EXERCISE:

To what degree do you accept and embrace the complexities of the people around you?

How would doing so with curiosity and openness make the world a far more interesting place for everyone?

Relationship are all there is

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“Relationship are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else.”

—Margaret Wheatley, American writer, teacher, speaker, and management consultant

Image from Unsplash by Greg Rakozy

Margaret Wheatley’s work focuses on creating organizations and communities “worthy of human habitation” by drawing from various disciplines including organizational behavior, chaos theory, living systems science, and ancient spiritual traditions.

In recent years, she has been discussing civilization collapse and encouraging people to become “spiritual warriors” in response to current challenges.

EXERCISE:

How can and will you become a spiritual warrior along with Margaret Wheatley, to foster healthier and happier relationships in your various communities?

Let go of the need to be understood by everyone

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Let go of the need to be understood by everyone. Who are the people that really matter? How can you express your thoughts and feelings even better to enhance these relationships?

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Duy Pham

With the advent of social media, many people have shifted to quantity instead of quality in their relationships.

More likes, friends, and followers appear to be how some folks keep score.

I like the idea of digging one well 1,000 feet deep to tap into the aquifers of life instead of digging 1,000 wells one foot deep and coming up dry.

EXERCISE:

Building relationships takes time. Where and with whom are you taking the time to unearth the deep and meaningful relationships you most desire?