Tag Archives: Relationships

“You don’t live in a world all alone. Your brothers are here too.”

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“You don’t live in a world all alone. Your brothers are here too.”

– Albert Schweitzer, German theologian and philosopher

Barry-Marvin-Rachel

(Me, my dad Marvin, and my daughter Rachel.)

My family and I recently had a vacation in the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania. This year, some additional friends came along to make it extra special. Of particular note were some of the many things we accomplished together to truly make our time a community affair.

In additional to numerous routine tasks, such as the preparation of meals and some cleaning and organizing projects, we supported my father Marvin (who is 88 today) on a three hour, six mile canoe ride down the Delaware river, and even took him to Camelbeach Waterpark where he experienced the adventure of some pretty thrilling water slides.

Exercise:

Where are you acting alone in the world and thus not achieving your fullest potential?

Where would supporting or working with others have you achieve even more remarkable things in your professional or personal life?

the highest advantage

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“You can rest assured that if you devote your time and attention to the highest advantage of others, the universe will support you.”

– R. Buckminster Fuller, architect and inventor

About a year ago, I picked up a copy of Dan Sullivan’s book The Laws of Lifetime Growth. Law #3 states that we should always make our contribution bigger than our reward.

Both Fuller and Sullivan suggest that a focus on creating new kinds of value for others expands our relationship with the outside world and somehow magically attracts new rewards and opportunities to us in return.

Exercise:

Imagine that giving to others and supporting their highest advantage is like making consistent daily bank deposits, and that these investments always have a high rate of return through the magic of compound interest.

“There ain’t no rules around here! We’re trying to accomplish something!”

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“There ain’t no rules around here! We’re trying to accomplish something!”

– Thomas Edison, inventor

How often have you noticed that many projects take quite a bit longer to complete than expected? Sometimes these efforts are thwarted by organizational complexity and misalignment and never see the light of day.

I fully support the use of appropriate systems and procedures when there is alignment among the group. This is often not the case, however, and issues remain unresolved due to the underlying disagreements.

Exercise:

Next time you are part of a committee, task force or project team that’s having difficulty getting something across the goal line, try using the following technique:

Step #1: Ask, “What do you think we should be doing differently, that would work better?”
Step #2: Try on the ideas of others to see if you can align with their suggestions.
Step #3: If for some reason you don’t align with their suggestions, make a counter-proposal and start again.

This iterative process will have the group challenge out-dated or dysfunctional rules – and hopefully get it back on the road to greater accomplishment.

#105: “Make happy those who are near and those who are far will come.”

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– Chinese proverb

Many years ago, I read a little book entitled Fish that presented a simple set of concepts to improve every work environment. The concept I remember most is “make their day.”

I get great pleasure looking for opportunities to add just a little bit more sunshine, one more smile, or an additional laugh to someone’s day. (Pretty corny, huh?)

The people in this world who focus on others tend to attract more people and more opportunities into their lives. We speak about their personalities with terms like “charisma” and “magnetic.”

Exercise:

What efforts do you take daily to support the happiness of others?

Who are the people in your life that bring you the greatest happiness?

What else can you do today and in the future to “make their day” and, in turn, attract more good things into your life?

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#96: “In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out…”

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“… It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”

– Albert Schweitzer, humanitarian

Have you ever noticed how life has lots of ups and downs? We experience the glories of victory – and the agonies of defeat.

We have heard the life phrase “this too shall pass.” We eventually find our footing from our low points – and are brought down to earth from the peaks of life’s mountains.

This quote is about the special people in our lives that bring out our very best and ignite the fullest possibilities of living.

Exercise:

Who are the advisors, mentors, coaches, family members and friends that provide you with this spark?

Have you thanked them lately?

Where could you help rekindle the fires of others?

Quotes are posted on The Quotable Coach a week after being sent out by email. To get the latest quotes straight to your inbox, pop your details in the sidebar to the right.

Examine the contents, not the bottle

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“Examine the contents, not the bottle.”

—The Talmud, the central text of mainstream Judaism

Image of dusty wine bottles

Photo by Marco Mornati on Unsplash

We all know the adages, “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” and “Discover the beauty within.”

It is so much easier, though, to use first impressions to make quick decisions – and rarely do we ever get the full story. When this happens in our interactions with other people, we refer to these as shallow or superficial relationships.

Only when we look deeper can we fully grasp the full value and the potential that lies within others.

Exercise:

How would taking the time to examine the contents of another person’s character lead you to a more fulfilling life?

With whom in your worlds have you only scratched the surface?

#84: “Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.”

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– Benjamin Franklin, one of the Founding Fathers of the United States

I like bargains and two-for-one sales. This quote is a three-for-one! In Ben Franklin’s time, the word “vices” perhaps meant “behaviors that do not better oneself or another.” Today, I suggest we consider the word “habits” instead.

The idea of being a better person points to our ability to learn, grow, and improve as individuals.

Exercise:

What habits/vices will you declare war upon? Which relationships in your life are ones where you will make a stand for peace? In what ways do you intend to be a better person next year, versus today?

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#79: “Love the giver more than the gift.”

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– Brigham Young

I read the book The Five Love Languages many years ago, to enhance my relationship with my wife. I often recommend it to my coaching clients, to help them better understand their partners. The gist of the book is that we have different ways of showing love to one another. We almost always choose to show love in the same way that we like to receive it.

By tuning into one another’s offerings of love, we can embrace these gifts in the way they are intended – instead of missing the message because we’re simply not speaking the same love language.

Exercise:

How could you fully love the givers in your life by fully embracing every gift they have to offer, in their language?

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#74: “Friendship is a soul dwelling in two bodies.”

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– Aristotle

In my first career, I was a science teacher. I have always been fascinated by what makes things work.

When we shift our perspective from the macro to the micro, the rules really get strange: consider the infinite universe and the infinitely small quantum world. I like the thought that there is some unifying force that holds everything together in some way.

I consider friendships and close, caring relationships as a place where we get to experience this special magical force. We can’t see it, but we have that deep, soulful feeling it is there.

Exercise:

Examine your very special relationships and their soulful quality and determine how you can take this experience to an even higher level.

Quotes are posted on The Quotable Coach a week after being sent out by email. To get the latest quotes straight to your inbox, pop your details in the sidebar to the right.

You can’t help someone get up a hill without getting closer to the top yourself.

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“You can’t help someone get up a hill without getting closer to the top yourself.”

– H. Norman Schwarzkopf, US Army General

Image of a team of mountain climbers

Image from Unsplash by Diogo Tavares

When I was a young boy, my mother would always tell my sister to take me with her. I liked being with the big kids, and I really liked feeling included.

Today, I focus much of my life on helping others grow both professional and personally. Through this process, I’ve had the great fortune of meeting many wonderful people, and have gained much satisfaction through my efforts. I also found that I too got “closer to the top” in the priority areas of my own life.

Exercise:

Where could you advise, mentor, or coach others in your life?

How can you expect to benefit through your generosity and care?