Tag Archives: Relationships

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy

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“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

—Marcel Proust, 20th Century French novelist

Image from Unsplash by CDC

A few weeks ago, Wendy and I watched our two terrific grandchildren so that my daughter and her husband could have a special night out for Valentine’s Day.

Following a logistically challenging dinner at a local restaurant, we began a bedtime routine in which it looked like things were never going to settle down! With teeth eventually brushed and matching Valentine PJs on, we began the ritual of a hopefully relaxing bedtime story, or two….

Instead of Pop Pop or Grandma reading the books, our 5 ½ year old grandson took the lead. His tender and loving approach with his petite 2 ½ year old sister settled things down and delighted everyone!

EXERCISE:

Who are the people in your life that make you happy?

How do they act as charming gardeners who make your soul blossom?

Feel free to reply to this post with an example of your own and let its memory brighten your day.

“Forgiveness is the ultimate weight loss.”

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“Forgiveness is the ultimate weight loss.”

—Jon Gordon, bestselling author and keynote speaker

Image from Unsplash by Diana Polekhina

Each year approximately 45 million Americans are on a diet.

Losing those extra pounds and keeping them off produces untold suffering and angst among so many.

Beyond the physical weight so many of us carry, psychological burdens not related to calorie count and physical activity are also prevalent.

Anger and resentment in our relationships can build up year after year, weighing us down emotionally.

Lightening this load takes a different kind of effort with forgiveness being a key to unlocking many of the chains that hold us down.

EXERCISE:

In what areas of life would an extra helping of forgiveness aid you in losing much of the emotional weight you carry?

What are some of the first steps you can and will take to lighten your load?

A good friend is a connection to life —a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world

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“A good friend is a connection to life —a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.”

—Lois Wyse, late advertising executive and author

Image from Unsplash by Felix Roosting

About a month ago, I watched a short video clip in which Arthur Brooks was interviewed. In this conversation with Daniel Pink, Brooks he introduced the concept of real friends versus deal friends.

According to Brooks, deal friends are people who can help you in a transactional way, while real friends are the ones who might call you at inconvenient times in a crisis.

Deal friends are people who are useful to you in some way, however these friendships are often less satisfying and feel incomplete because they don’t involve the whole self.

EXERCISE:

Who are your real friends?

How have and do they connect you to life?

How often do you acknowledge these special relationships and let them know how meaningful they are to you?

Some say that birds of a feather flock together. To expand your world, you may wish to

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Some say that birds of a feather flock together. To expand your world, you may wish to seek out and embrace an odd duck now and then.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Kevin Gedge

Take a few minutes to examine your personal and professional communities.

To what degree do the people around you look, act, and think like you?

Where and in what areas of your life do you observe and participate in groups of people with diverse backgrounds?

Where do you notice some odd ducks that challenge your thinking and your comfort?

Where might you be the odd duck, feeling out of place and awkward?

How do these experiences expand your world and help you grow?

EXERCISE:

How does flying with your current flock limit the places you can go?

How would a few detours with some different birds reveal some new sites to build your next nest?

“Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by

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“Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water.”

—Christopher Morley, 20th Century American journalist

Image from Unsplash by Road Trip with Raj

Over the past several months I’ve noticed an increase in the water works in my communities.

Beyond numerous strong storms with an abundance of rain, there have been many floodgates of tears released due to various types of heavy burdens.

Today’s quote could go a bit further—just as rain falls to renew the greenery in our world, tears need a shoulder to land on to lighten our emotional loads.

EXERCISE:

Where are you noticing or experiencing heavy hearts in your world?

Where are people in these communities compassionately coming together to share these showers of emotion to help clear the skies of tomorrow?

Deconstruct the cool things you see

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“Deconstruct the cool things you see… Don’t just taste the recipe, look for the ingredients.”

—James Clear, Author of Atomic Habits

Image from Unsplash by Gareth Hubbard

I consider myself a better than average cook, and can whip up something tasty from my fridge and cupboard on most days. I have a modest number of go-to dishes, and find myself using the same ingredients and seasonings over and over.

A few weeks ago, while waiting during a doctor visit, I found myself captivated by a cooking show called The Kitchen.  Watching the masterful chefs and celebrity cooks create simple and tasty dishes with ingredients I have on hand — and never considered using — was a breakthrough in my thinking.

EXERCISE:

What would be the benefit of deconstructing other aspects of life besides what’s for dinner?

What are the ingredients you can use to whip up better relationships, career success, and a healthier, more meaningful life?

“We learn nothing by being right.”

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“We learn nothing by being right.”

—Elizabeth, Princess Bibesco, 20th Century English socialite, actress and writer

Image from Unsplash by Robert Ruggiero

When was the last time you had a discussion in which the phrase “I know” was voiced by yourself or the other person?

How often does this phrase show up during a typical day at work or home?

When you hear these words, consider translating them into “I’ve stopped listening.”

Being right and making others wrong not only damages relationships, it also shuts down the potential of learning anything new.

EXERCISE:

Where would embracing a healthy dose of uncertainty and a more open mind improve your relationships and keep your wheels of wisdom turning?

“It takes some know how to know how to say no.”

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“It takes some know how to know how to say no.”

—Author Unknown

Image from Amazon

Yesterday’s post was about reaching the point of diminishing returns and the heavy costs we often pay.

Perhaps the most often used strategy to lighten our loads is to just say NO. How often have you given this approach a go, and how did things work out?

One primary reason saying NO is so difficult is that we don’t wish to damage the relationship. When we don’t create boundaries and say NO, we often hurt ourselves and feel considerable resentment.

EXERCISE:

Here are some useful books you may explore to help you learn to say NO:
The Power of a Positive No by William Ury
The Power of No by James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher
The Book of No by Susan Neuman
Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
The Art of Saying No by Damon Zahariades

 

Children will not remember you for the materials things you provided

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“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.”

—Richard L. Evans, 20th Century writer, producer, and announcer

Image from Unsplash by Ben Wicks

Do you have children or grandchildren? If your do, how many of them remember the gifts you gave them during the holidays last year?

To what degree do your little ones light up when you walk in the door empty handed but with arms wide open for some big hugs?

In what ways do you agree with the statement, ”The best things in life are not things”?  How do you show the people you care about the most that you cherish them?

EXERCISE:

Consider reading or re-reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  Over the years, he has expanded his work to include books related to children, teenagers and other groups.

Associate with people who are likely to improve you

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“Associate with people who are likely to improve you.”

—Seneca, Stoic philosopher of Ancient Rome

Image from Unsplash by Joshua Hoehne

How would you like to….

  • Improve your hand-eye coordination?
  • Enhance your mental alertness?
  • Improve your ability to concentrate?
  • Burn more calories?
  • Make more friends?
  • Improve your balance and reflexes?

If these attributes sound pretty good, you just might want to take up the sport of ping pong!

I am currently in Florida, with a terrific group of very active folks who help each other improve all these abilities, six days a week.

EXERCISE:

Where do you have a sincere desire to improve a particular skill?

Who are the people who challenge and stretch you beyond your current capabilities?

How can and will you make the time to associate with these people more often?