Tag Archives: Relationships

“It’s your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.”

Posted on by

“It’s your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.”

—Jalāl ad-Dīn Mohammad Rūmī, 13th-century Persian poet

Image from Amazon.com

As a child, my favorite movie was the Wizard of OZ. Because of its length, it was the only day of the year we were permitted to eat our family dinner in our living room to partake in this once-a-year event.

There was just so much to enjoy about this spectacle including the music, wonderful characters, the engaging story with many twists and turns, and of course, the happy ending.

I recently came across a video which presented a provocative perspective to the story, pointing out how each character’s role help bring home the film’s enduring lessons.

What do the characters of the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion mean for you? When Dorothy called the Wizard a very bad man, he responded “I’m a very good man, but I’m a terrible wizard.”

EXERCISE:

What are some of the lessons you have learned traveling your own yellow brick road over the years? How did your fellow travelers along the way contribute to where you are today?

“People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.”

Posted on by

“People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.”

—Bob Hope, 20th Century British-American stand-up comedian

Image from Unsplash by Henry Gillis

Consider the following personal gestures:

  • A real kiss versus a thrown kiss
  • An air hug versus a real one
  • A text versus a phone call
  • An emoji versus the real thing

With our physical distancing efforts over the past 18+ months our habits and interpersonal rituals have changed. At what cost have these shortcuts and acts of laziness impacted your most valued personal and professional relationships?

EXERCISE:

One of my favorite books, which I have mentioned over the years, is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Within its pages are many strategies related to the offering of quality time, words of support, and acts of personal touch that can still be offered to those you love in full measure. Consider checking it out for yourself.

”Each of us is born with a box of matches inside us but we can’t strike them all by ourselves.”

Posted on by

”Each of us is born with a box of matches inside us but we can’t strike them all by ourselves.”

—Laura Esquivel, Mexican novelist, screenwriter and politician

Image from Unsplash by Georg Eiermann

Just like a single hand is unable to clap without another, we all need assistance from time to time to have our inner spark ignite and keep burning.

Consider your relationships with close friends, parents, teachers, mentors, coaches, and other individuals. How have they sparked ideas and helped you stay motivated and in action to see things through?

Most images of match boxes show only a limited number of matches inside, with somewhere between 20 and 32 matches. I did, however, find a jumbo box with a count of 300 and numerous multi box options!

EXERCISE:

How many matches have you used so far? How many are left? Who are the current individuals who partner with you so that you can burn brightly and perhaps shed light on others? Where and with whom are you the flint to help others spark their unique gifts and talent?

“Get out there. See the people.”

Posted on by

“Get out there. See the people.”

—Author Unknown

Image from Unsplash by krakenimages

I have a friend and client named Tim who is a highly successful business leader. He exemplifies many strong qualities of leadership and personal character that most of his customers, colleagues, and even competitors admire.

Among his most positive attributes is his willingness to take initiative and proactively put himself out into the world to see the people and make things happen.

Where do you find yourself on the introvert-to-extrovert spectrum, especially given the constraints caused by the pandemic?

How have you continued to reach out to connect despite your efforts to be physically distant and keep one another safe?

Where have you not made the effort to be out in the world in some essential way?

EXERCISE:

How can and will you get out there and (safely) see the people in the coming months?

How can and will you encourage others in your personal and professional communities to do the same?

“I think that when the dust settles, we will realize how little we need, how very much we actually have, and…”

Posted on by

“I think that when the dust settles, we will realize how little we need, how very much we actually have, and the true value of human connection.”

—Author Unknown

Marvin Demp

On March 7 at 1:47 a.m., my father Marvin passed on to be with my mom and other loved ones in Heaven. The morning of his passing, I asked Google to play some of his favorite songs. A direct message came from my dad when “Cheek to Cheek” played — it begins with the words, “Heaven, I’m in Heaven…”.

As we cried and celebrated the life of this wonderful man, my family, friends, and the many loving and generous caregivers who supported him experienced the value and joy of our many human connections.

EXERCISE:

What are some of your stories of extraordinary and simple moments of human connection? How can you more fully embrace the richness these moments offer you each and every day?

 

“Yelling silences your message. Speak quietly so children can hear your words instead of just your voice.”

Posted on by

“Yelling silences your message. Speak quietly so children can hear your words instead of just your voice.”

—L.R. Knost, Founder/Director of Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting

Image from Unsplash by Icons8Team

What is your natural reaction when someone yells at you? Consider your childhood and your interactions with parents, teachers, or other authority figures. For many, such verbal attacks cause the receiver to shut down and back off.

During a counseling session in the early years of my marriage, I was told by our very kind and perceptive advisor that when my wife disagreed with my perspective, I simply raised my voice and said the same things, only louder. This approach silenced my message and often resulted in raised voices on both sides.

Speaking quietly to be understood and of course seeking to understand one another has helped support our successful marriage of 41 happy years.

EXERCISE:

Where is too much yelling occurring in your world? Where and with whom would calmer, quieter voices help us hear one another better?

 

“Dialogue is balancing advocacy with inquiry.”

Posted on by

“Dialogue is balancing advocacy with inquiry.”

—Author Unknown

Image from Unsplash by Priscilla Du Preez

 

In his book, Dialogue: The Art of Thinking Together, William Isaac describes this critical skill as the intention to reach new levels of mutual understanding.

Doing so, he indicates we can form a totally new basis from which to think and act.

He further states that this capacity for talking together constitutes the foundation for democracy.

EXERCISE:

Where are you observing and participating in true dialogue in your various communities?

How could a better balance between advocacy and inquiry improve communities throughout the world?

“When you edit your soul, no one wins.”

Posted on by

“When you edit your soul, no one wins.”

—Erin Loechner, Author of Chasing Slow

Image from Pinterest

To what degree have you done more than a bit of soul searching over the past several months?

What have you discovered about yourself, those you care about, your community, and the world?

It appears that many of us are reading deeper than at any other time in our lives, to a more soulful and sacred place in which passion, purpose, and our very best selves reside.

Another quote from Erin’s book is “Keep slowing down. You’ve got a race to lose.” This may be pointing us to the “rat race” many of us run unknowingly.

Consider your soul as a kind of Pulitzer Prize of Life, which requires no editing.  It need only be read and re-read, expressed and shared generously.

EXERCISE:

What are a few soul-searching activities you engage in on a daily basis?

How can and will you bring forth the very best of you so everyone wins?

“Every great group is an island – but an island with a bridge to the mainland.”

Posted on by

“Every great group is an island – but an island with a bridge to the mainland.”

—Warren Bennis & Patricia Ward, Organizing Genius

Image from Unsplash by Mohamed Thasneem

During my walk this morning the lyrics, “No man is an island, no man stands alone” ran through my mind. The topic of my daily meditation session was interconnectedness.

My daughter and grandson are visiting for the first time in almost six months. Belonging and being a part of our communities has clearly been disrupted and challenged recently, and most of us can feel a sense of emptiness longing to be filled.

Take a close look at all the groups to which you belong. How do they look today? Consider examining any or all of the following, and a few of your own:

• Family • Race
• Neighbors • Age
• City, State, Country • Religion/Faith
• Gender • Career

EXERCISE:

How and in what ways can you see, build, and cross the bridges between the numerous islands in your life, to find the fundamental mainland we all share?

“Use ‘Truth Talk’ sparingly, like a seasoning.”

Posted on by

“Use ‘Truth Talk’ sparingly, like a seasoning.”

—Author Unknown

Image from Unsplash by Josh Massey

How often do you use a “tell it like it is,” “tough love,” or “scared straight” approach in your personal and professional interactions?

Where does this “Truth Talk” or as Coach Marshall Goldsmith suggests, “Feed Forward” provide the desired outcomes you intend?

Where are you currently a bit too heavy-handed on the salty or peppery words and attitudes you offer others?

Although often well-intended, our truth and desire to offer our “correct” perspective on virtually any matter results in making the other individual wrong. This usually causes them to shut down or push back with their own truth talk to defend and protect their behaviors and views.

EXERCISE:

How and with whom would a lighter hand on the salt shakers of your truth talk help lower the blood pressure levels in your most important relationships?