Tag Archives: resentment

Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments

Posted on by

“Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.”

—Neil Strauss, American author, journalist and ghostwriter.

Image from Amazon

Where in your life do you harbor resentments towards others?

Who are the people that make your blood boil — or just annoy you — because they let you down or fall short of your expectations?

In arguments with our significant others, it is not uncommon to hear the phrase “I’m not a mind reader” used to express our frustrations.

To avoid or lessen the occurrence of such interactions preempt them by speaking up early with direct and specific requests. If accepted, you have a clear promise — and if denied, you can always try negotiating an alternative path forward.

EXERCISE:

Where in your life are you silent about your expectations of others?

How has any underlying or overt resentment affected your relationship?

Consider reading Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott for many productive ways to speak up and listen better to improve your future interactions.

“It takes some know how to know how to say no.”

Posted on by

“It takes some know how to know how to say no.”

—Author Unknown

Image from Amazon

Yesterday’s post was about reaching the point of diminishing returns and the heavy costs we often pay.

Perhaps the most often used strategy to lighten our loads is to just say NO. How often have you given this approach a go, and how did things work out?

One primary reason saying NO is so difficult is that we don’t wish to damage the relationship. When we don’t create boundaries and say NO, we often hurt ourselves and feel considerable resentment.

EXERCISE:

Here are some useful books you may explore to help you learn to say NO:
The Power of a Positive No by William Ury
The Power of No by James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher
The Book of No by Susan Neuman
Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
The Art of Saying No by Damon Zahariades

 

“Nothing burns like the cold.”

Posted on by

“Nothing burns like the cold.”

—George R.R. Martin, Author of Game of Thrones

Image from Unsplash by Frank Busch

Back in February, a wave of arctic air blew across Michigan. Not wanting to miss my daily walk, I bundled up and set forth to put in my 10,000+ steps.

During half of my walk, the wind was at my back and my steps felt easy and steady. Heading in the other direction, with the wind in my face, I noticed the considerable chill and the burn on my face, thighs, and fingers.

Where else do you experience cold in your worlds? Take some time to look at relationships — personal or professional — that are adversarial, in which you might be giving or getting the cold shoulder, or a frigid reception. Where do you notice the burn of anger, resentment, indifference, and judgment?

EXERCISE:

Consider engaging in a loving kindness meditation to warm up relationships in your personal and professional communities.

Sharing your experience of this exercise will be like adding another log to the fires of friendship. Please reply to this post with your own perspective.